"I'm sorry I am so late. Bollocksed up at work again, I fear. Millions down the drain."

We're turning a tanner shade of tan.

Like so many other young Australians, J, M and A decided to ignore the Government in crisis and head to Thailand for 3 weeks. What better place to go for midnight swims, have sex with attractive Europeans and drink cheap buckets of cocktails?

It was a typical holiday for the three of them. Meaning J was having sex on the beach (not the drink), A was getting wasted and losing the hotel key and falling asleep in her party clothes outside the bungalow and M was driving in crazy Bangkok traffic and trying to convince A and J that they weren't that hungover and could walk up to the viewpoint...yeah, they were throwing up their pad thai.

There was sightseeing and kayaking and snorkling and elephant trekking and so much cheap alcohol. A managed to pick up a cute English boy in cooking class (yes, making 'spicy' jokes can make a guy fall for you) and J was taking manic drunken tuk-tuk rides around a city she can't even remember the name of. M was the good girl, the one waking them up for flights and booking tours and remaining faithful to her boyfriend. Turns out she's very content with E and doesn't even need to look at another guy. Which just means she's missing out really. J found so many attractive Europeans that she couldn't handle them all and would have gladly handled some over to M. But M was too busy learning how to juggle fire and drunk skipping and playing connect four with a bunch of fun girls she met from the US.

Ah, young love.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: blasting loud music and pissing off the neighbours
Listening to: old grunge bands like Mudhoney and Soundgarden
Crushing on: Serge from Kasabian
Worshipping: the dudes from Foster the People
Eating: Fajitas with an extra side of margaritas
Drinking: low carb beer
Rocking: bright coloured denim shorts
Reading: Dracula by Bram Stoker
Failing: to RSVP to snooty garden parties

"We are the youth gone wild"

It's summer. it's time for beer and hell-raising. In that order.

It's been a hell of a summer so far. At least the weather has been hot, unlike in previous 'summers'. Days have been spent lying on the beach with ice-cold beer and cheap cigarettes followed by pub dinners with cold but nasty white wine. You just can't drink red in the weather. Unless it's in sangria. And yeah, we will pay 50 bucks for a jug of sangria if it's good. That's just the way things are done.

Poor M is desperately missing E, who is on a 6-month working trip. The phone calls and Skype dates are no substitute for actually seeing someone, and he's been gone less than a month. M is suddenly starting to wonder if she can handle long distance. E has gotten less jealous now that he's finally left though and is acting like he actually trusts M to be herself and be a good girlfriend. The only problem may be that with trust comes responsibility and M isn't sure she can handle that. It was so much easier when E was being a jackass and acting like he expected her to cheat; M behaved well because she was proving him wrong. Now it's just that much harder to withstand temptation. But M's a good girl. We have faith.

Of course, not all of us are good girls...Dinner date has been so unbelievably nice to A the entire time he's known her that of course she was going to take advantage. He took her out for dinner and bought her drinks and made her breakfast in bed...she took him for a ride. One Saturday night he asked her what she was up to. Because she didn't want to see him, A lied and told him she was spending the night at home. Really, his first mistake was believing A would spend a Saturday night at home. So what if you have to work the next morning? A bucket of KFC and you'll be right. A didn't go to the place she normally bumps into dinner date but instead went out to a backpacker joint to flirt with cute English boys. She made out with one who invited her home but she ended up shucking him to head back to the bar, only to get tapped on the shoulder by a very pissed off dinner date who'd obviously seen the whole thing. A basically laughed in his face while he called her a slutty liar and stormed off. She felt a bit bad the next morning (but maybe that was from the strawberry ice-cream cocktails) and sent him an apologetic text which resulted in him leaving a teary voicemail hoping they can get back together. A didn't even realise they were together. She promptly deleted the message and continuted her walk of shame home from the English boy's flat.

J? She's just generally making a nuisance of herself. For her, going out for one drink will always involve dancing around a stripper's pole at 4am and a morning after trying to figure out how to get back into the city on country public transport. January has seen J appear in a different leopard print dress every night, usually in a range of different colours and styles, asking 'Do you think I look slutty enough?' No J, never. Besides you can't look that slutty in rocker black boots and enough eye make-up to cover yourself from head to toe. Right? She essentially told Motley Crue to piss off and has been on a few smoking-and-sex 'non-dates' with vampire. Wow managed to get himself fired as a promoter from the club we always saw him at and has deleted everyone off facebook. J is kind of disappointed. She didn't want to have sex with him again because he had no idea what he was doing but she liked messing with him. J also managed to wake up the day after Australia day tangled up in a VB shirt and her boss's housemate. Not the evercool Bossman, but her new boss who'd invited her and a few others over to her house for a quiet Australia day. All J's other co-workers had left by midnight. And J doesn't even like VB. Or the housemate.

L can't seem to escape the old men. For whatever reason, she has alwyas been the target of the 40+s at her local pub and many of the clubs in the city. Old sleazy men just love her. She went out for a few ciders and a game of pool last week only to have a guy who had to be in his 50s start hitting on her and grabbing her arse while trying to teach her how to play pool. L was pissed off, and even more so at her shitty friends who didn't say anything. H or A would have decked him. K would have got one of the bouncers to get rid of him. This time L had to do her own dirty work. Which involved locking herself in the bathroom swigging Bundy from a plastic cup until he'd gone to pick up someone else.

Druggie seems to have calmed herself down a bit. After getting an official police caution after being caught eith pot, she spent a week cold turkey even from booze. Her boyfriend got pretty pissed off because he was baked and out of it the whole time but at least Druggie wasn't suicidal. She's back smoking weed but hasn't hit the harder stuff again, so we're hoping she stays as clean as she can.

There's been a couple of music festivals which, as always, involve ripping off other people's hats, drinking water from a security guy's hose and screaming 'Bitch those are my sunglasses' upon realising your long lost RayBans are shielding someone else's eyes. Yeah, we love mosh pits. And dirty, grungy guys with long hair and ripped band t-shirts.

Yeah, we love summer. Pass us another fishbowl yeah?

"Chemical Heart"

Footballer seems to have vanished, much to A's disappointment. After dropping his pants and suggesting they have sex several months ago, A hasn't seen him since. It's not exactly that she wants to have sex with him, but she liked the attention. That and she wants the inside info on who exactly is injured this year from his team so she can work on her fantasy football team. Yeah, A has a nerdy side. Who doesn't?

G swears she's seen footballer in their building and said hi and A can't work out how she hasn't even seem him on the stairs. He's clearly avoiding her and keeping an eye out for him is becoming A's silent obsession. At least G is getting a laugh out of it.

A was determined not to see dinner date this week, but after heading out for a night with J and M, she bumped into him and had to say hi. She quickly steered away from him but M soon vanished home and J was hooking up with a random bald dude (so not like her) in the corner and A was bored so she ended up going home with him. He offered to cook her french toast for breakfast in the morning, but despite A's (and all of our) love for french toast she made some excuse about having to work early and ran off.

J caught up with Motley Crue again. Yeah, he's kinda dumb and suburban and has no ambitions and blah blah blah. Whatever, she doesn't have to marry him. The important thing is that the sex is consistently good rather than trying your luck with one night stands and discovering the guy can't even manage to get a condom on. He did want to go out for lunch the following day and discuss his ex-girlfriend who has recently deleted him off facebook and gotten his best mate's little brother addicted to ice. J managed to survive it this time but she's not sure she can go through that again. Can't he just shut up?

Druggie seems to be going through more benders more often and J is getting increasingly worried about her and her quest to have a baby. J has always been a casual pot smoker and has occasionally experimented with other drugs but she isn't really a user. these days Druggie is turning her off anything harder than caffeine. J got a call over the weekend from Druggie's boyfriend begging J to help out because Druggie was blitzed out on ice and cutting herself and wouldn't listen to anything he said. J dragged her off to hospital but it was a very scary couple of hours. Afterwards J tried to talk to Druggie about cutting back but she wouldn't hear any of it and demanded J drop her off at her dealer's place. J is considering contacting Druggie's parents and younger sister to help out, but she doesn't want to be the dobber who goes running to mum and dad when there's trouble. But it isn't like her boyfriend is being particularly helpful...

"Hotel, motel, holiday inn"

E has left for overseas and M didn't shed a tear when he boarded the plane. She loves him and wants to be with him, but she's no longer sure their relationship can survive them living in different countries for 6 months. E has been acting possessive and jealous like he can't trust M to be faithful while he's gone, even making harsh comments about how they got together when M was still dating a co-worker which is extremely unfair as M was very careful and almost kind about the way she made the transition into a new relationship. But E needs the opportunity for his career, and M doesn't want to follow him. They didn't even spend NYE together before he left and E wasn't happy.

Meanwhile J has been hanging out with Bossman and Druggie and has started getting a little concerned about Druggie's behaviour. Druggie has always been her party pal and J doesn't judge her for the drugs and the fact that sometimes she doesn't bother showing up at work. But Druggie has admitted her and her slightly-psycho are trying to have a baby and J can't understand how Druggie can bring a child into the world when she's still a child herself. You can't be a mother and keep up the hard partying lifestyle of Druggie. But whenever J tries to have a serious conversation with her, Druggie just pours another drink.

Dinner date has been texting A at least once a day and keeps asking her out but A refuses to see him more than once a week. She needs her own time. And her time with V. And her time with friends. In fact A has very little time she is willing to share wither dinner date, but she likes it when he cooks her breakfast. The poor guy is acting increasingly like he wants to be her boyfriend but A appears to blind to his wishes, of she just doesn't care. He wanted her to attend his NYE party (and V wanted her to hang out at a club he was DJing at) but she ended up hanging out with J and a few other friends and watching C's annual striptease.

L nearly got trapped on an awkward double date for her New Year's. L's new best friend (to replace H) is an old family friend who has recently started dating a new guy. The friend suggested the three of them all hang out in a hotel room for the evening and her boyfriend ended up inviting one of his friends so it would be the four of them. L seemed naive about what would happen but J and A told her in no uncertain terms that that isn't how L would want to spend her New Year's Eve or in fact any night of the year. L finally gathered up the courage to tell her best friend she felt uncomfortable and they ended up going to the city to see fireworks instead. She did get ditched at midnight though so her best friend could get a midnight kiss and by the time she made it to A and J she'd missed the striptease.

Ah well, there's always next year.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: cocktails in the toddler's pool on hot days
Listening to: The Damned
Crushing on: Shane West...whatever happened to him after ER and A Walk to Remember?
Worshipping: Anna Faris' crazy side ie What's Your Number? and Just Friends
Eating: orange coconut cake
Drinking: sangria!
Rocking: denim mini skirts and faded t-shirts
Reading: Motley Crue's The Dirt for the hundredth time
Failing: to stop making finger gun gestures at strangers.

"Don't you know people write songs about girls like you"

E recently made an announcement. He's been offered a new job. It's a great opportunity, and a job in the field he actually wants to work in (graphic design) rather than the hospitality waiter/barista jobs he's been working for the past few years. The only hitch? The job is in New Zealand. It's also only a limited tenure 6-month contract, but the company has let him know there is possibilty for extension if the project he will be working on goes well.

It should all be pretty exciting. A new job, a job you've been working towards for years, and a chance to travel and live overseas. Except for E's new relationship with M.

Actually, M doesn't mind. She's planning on traveling for over a month fairly soon and feels their relationship is strong enough to survive the distance. Plus, it's only 6 months. However E wants her to move over with him and M isn't prepared to do that. They haven't been together that long and she has plans for herself in the new year. She's thinking of going back to school and dong some study or at least changing jobs (she is so sick of IT!) and setting up for her career and future. Plus, she's already been to New Zealand and has no desire to live there. E isn't exactly happy. This is the kind of guy that wasn't pleased when his girlfriend took a beach vacaction without him. It could be his history of dating psychotic girls, but he isn't used to being with someone as easygoing and perhaps blase as M. She doesn't understand what he's so worried about and why he keeps acting jealous. They've known each other forever and been good friends for a long time. What is he worrying about? Let's just hope the two of them can stay together at least before the distance becomes a problem.

J bumped into an ancient hook-up of hers vampire a few days ago and shacked up with him for several nights. It was well and good until he asked her what she was doing for New Year's Eve and became upset when her plans didn't include him. Exactly what was he expecting? A few days of sex do not a relationship make, and they aren't quite friends either. J quickly cut him loose and is now ignoring texts from him suggesting they catch up in the new year. He became clingy way too fast and that is never a good sign for future involvement. J's a bit disappointed with that, because he can do amazing things with his tongue...

A is amazed with how nice dinner date is. He is really spoiling her, taking her out for (moderately) expensive dinners, making her pancakes for breakfast in the morning and sending her cute messages when he hasn't seen her in a few days. The complete opposite of V, who only calls her for a booty call. A is getting exhausted by the niceness though and he makes her feel guilty because she is never that nice.