A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

"What is your childhood trauma?"

The awkwardness of a one-night-stand with a guy who clearly doesn't get out much.

J has pretty much perfected one-night-stand etiquette over the years, and doesn't appreciate guys that don't seem to get it. There's no need to be an arsehole in the morning, or a week later, or pretend nothing happened. Keep it casual, keep it neat. In the morning it is important to be polite and civil, but not to outstay one's welcome. Unless it is clear you're both after morning sex, wake up before the other person, get dressed, say a polite goodbye (and ask for directions to the nearest train station) and get the hell out of here. If you ever see them again a simple 'hey man, how's it going' works wonders. After that, it's time to move on. If the person is at your house, in the morning ask them if they want a cab, which lets them know it's time to go without being rude. Basic conversation is fine, eg what are you up to today etc, asking for their number of suggesting you catch up the enxt day is not. If there is conversation one should always be friendly and cheerful (even if your head does feel like it's about to explode) and should never contain insults about their sex skills or appearence. If the other person is making conversation, it is important to participate and not answer in irritating and standoffish one-word answers.

It's all simple isn't be? Be courteous. There's no reason to not use your manners just because you've licked whipped cream off their dick is there?

Sadly for J, things haven't been all simple lately. A one-night-stand two weeks ago left her stranded out in the country with a very awkward, poncho-wearing guy. She should have known the night before when he admitted he was nervous and awkward that things weren't going to end well. Upon waking up, J got dressed and the guy woke up. J tried to make conversation but he basically ignored her. She asked how to get to the train station. He said he'd walk her. That was nice of him. Until he put on a poncho (and nothing else) walked J to the door and said 'it's that way' pointing down the street and slamming the door in J's face. The station of course was nowhere in sight.

J walked around for nearly an hour, asking directions of randoms. One guy gave her detailed directions and told her it was about 10 minutes. Five minutes later the same guy drove past in a car and asked her if she wanted a lift. He hadn't seemed creepy on the street, but suddenly in the car and with that crazy look in his eyes...J freaked out and ran the rest of the way to the station. It was not a fun morning, especially when she found out trains were cancelled and there was a crappy replacement bus.

She ran into the guy a week later and gave him a wave. He turned and ran in the other direction.

There really is no excuse for poor manners is there?