"Never trust a man with a small prick"

The worst kind of guy? The clingy possessive, calls you every night before he goes to bed type? The arrogant dickhead who has four girls going at once and 'forgets' to mention it? The too-smart-for-his-own good type who can't help but correct everything you say? The ultra-competitive, cheating at mini golf with the terrible hair? Answer: all of the above. Sometimes you just can't do anything right. Then again, sometimes the 'right' guy annoys everyone but you.

J can't stand the fact that A and V are back together, if 'together' is even the right word to describe them. Going out to dinner with M and L they accidentally sat on a table right near V and a few of his wanker mates (including X who even L had to admit is not looking so fine these days). They chose to ignore each other (or perhaps A, who is going blind these days, just didn't notice) until one of V's mates, while drunkenly reenacting some crap scene from an even crapper movie, managed to rip out a chunk of A's hair. Her hair is in pretty shit condition, thanks to dying it a different colour every few weeks. It's currently red. Anyway A turned around and started yelling abuse and suddenly froze when she realised it was basically V she was yelling at. She then stopped yelling and they moved to another table, where A proceeded to begin bitching about V and her general annoyance at him. Even L told her to shut the hell up and that we are all sick of her whining about the guy she was sleeping with. Thankfully A did shut up, only to start complaining about how one of her uni friends is trying to set her up with his best mate. Really, it is rather stupid. Commitment phobic A will never be the best choice for anyone. Still, enough.

In other news, E is back in the country. And other girls that won't shut up include M. Except in her case, it's probably fair enough. She's stressing out about seeing him again even though they are friends again. Maybe because they are friends again. C thinks he broke up with the girlfriend in New Zealand before he left but it hasn't been confirmed and everyone is too afraid to ask. E is having a welcome home drinks this weekend and M has no idea what to say or how to act...or what to wear. The others are planning to do the usual: wear a black dress and drink tequila until they can't stand up and make out with a cute boy in the corner. Well, the last one may just be J. A will most likely be getting in fights and L will most likely be scaring everyone with her dance 'moves'. M figures the best thing to do is to act like the good friend she always was and let everything else fall into place. Go with the flow. She's pretty sure she still has intense feelings for him though, the kind that distance and time can't quell and only become obvious upon their physical return.

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions"

With the twins B and K off overseas L decided to catch-up with them at their going away drinks. She thought it would be a fun night out after exams. Yeah, she did eventually get an invite. She was wrong.

B and K, well K in particular really, spent most of the evening bitching about A and J. You might remember a recent post where J went out with B, only for B to get really drunk and have to be sent home in a taxi. The version of this story K told was blatantly untrue. Sadly for her, L had already heard the truth. K said to L that B had actually only had one drink that night before becoming seriously unsteady and feeling sick. She suggested that J may have slipped something in her drink. Oh yes, because J is a regular drink spiker. And she spikes the drinks of her friends. Just for fun. K then said that J left B on the street, and B only got home because some older guy felt bad for her and offered her a ride home. B was apparently covered in cuts and bruises although of course there wasn't a scratch on her now. Right, because it's so much safer and more believable that B got rescued by some weirdo. K then said she'd tried to catch up with A and A had stood her up. No such thing has ever happened. A long ago vowed to never speak to K again and, other than a terse smile and 'hello' hasn't since their falling out.

L felt a bit strange about the whole thing, but they are her friends so she decided to ignore it and hang out with their other mates, including one guy it turned out she knew from uni. A few beers (and a few too many drunk phone calls later) everyone decided to leave the pub and go dancing. Sadly, K had forgotten her id. She and B went home to pick it up and told L they'd meet her in the city. She got on the tram with the guy from uni and his girlfriend who were on their way home. About 15 minutes later, the uni guy got a text from K saying that they'd decided to stay home. L got nothing. Well, other than drunk and abandoned of course.

Pissed and pissed off she joined A and J who were chilling in a beer garden with a few other friends, including A's brother who declared the rest of them 'too old' to be there. He may have been right too.

L should stop forgiving and forgetting. Choosing who to trust doesn't seem to be one of her skills.

"Prince Charming is a dick, bring on the frogs"

You know thing's are going bad when all the skin around your belly button piercing dies and the piercing falls off and you're left with no hole at all and just weird flaps of skin that things are going bad. Not a hypothetical, just another day in the life of J. But I suppose that's what you get when you're so busy taking care of your alcohol intake and not busy enough to take care of your general health.

Exams are done with and it's time to let loose. Everyone we know is apparently going to Europe for the next 6 months because that's the cool thing to do. Also, everyone we know is pretty much done with school and taking their year off before they enter the 'real' world so I guess they get to do the travel thing. We're stuck at home with our textbooks and internships applications. I guess that's what you get for being a failure...But nothing so much fun as going away parties right?

G is only off for a month, but she's having a blow-out bash before hand anyway. Everyone donned their floral dresses for a hippie themed party complete with magic mushrooms, giant lollipops and Bob Dylan records playing. It may be winter but that doesn't mean we can't wear flowers in our hair. Just that they have to be fake, because nothing real survives this weather. A got too drunk and made out with one of G's boyfriend's best mates that regularly hangs out at their house. Awkward because he wants to take her out for dinner and A wants nothing outside the bedroom. Or the bathroom, as luck may have it. L got too wasted on Pimms and got her kickass hat stolen and she was not pleased. She's been trying to track it down but was unsuccessful. M continued on her too-drunk-to-stand up phase and spent most of the night puking in the street as she stumbled home.

C is leaving for four months...but no one can remember his party. We all trundled off to the suburbs only to drink copious amounts of rum and pass out in the garden. C, true to form, woke up in only his underwear and has no idea where the rest of his clothes went. J woke up in his older brother's bed, but the brother was nowhere to be seen. L was making pancakes in the kitchen and laughing manicly. There was pancake batter all over the floor, which A managed to slip on and end up on her ass, much to the amusement to C's mother. Several of his other friends, who's also been involved in ridiculous drinking games, were half naked and sleeping in the curtains. C has killer parties. V even showed up, on the arm of one of C's friends. Everyone thought she was dating an AFL footballer, but apparently that went down the drain. She's model-good looking so of course A got cut. C thought this was hilarious, until A wasted booze by throwing a glass in V's eyes. Then he kicked V out of his house and licked the alcohol off the floor. A may have helped.

The toxic twins are headed overseas as well although everyone's invite to their going away must have got lost. To be fair A didn't really expect one, and after K screamed at her for no apparent reason, J figured her invitation was revoked. B certainly didn't bother to check up on it. L was surprised she didn't get an invitation, but then she should no better than to take more than a minute to reply to a K text.

A and V may be sleeping together again. J dropped by A and G's place and could have sworn she saw him sneaking out. But she was slightly distracted. A shirtless footballer was walking past. She's not impressed with this development because she hardly needs to deal with A whining on and on about how much she hates V only for her to wind up in bed with him for 4 nights in a row.

Druggie dropped by J's place to hang out and smoke but when J told her she'd given up the drugs and thought Druggie should too, Druggie wasn't particularly pleased. So she headed home to her increasingly possessive boyfriend.

And now? Tapas and wine. Lots of wine.

"Fear is such a weak emotion that's why I despise it"

Piss off kinda-but-not-really-cute barista boy. Okay, so we show up for 2 double shot lattes every morning when we're in study mode and occasionally we'll pop into the cafe while we're dying our hair but whatever...don't judge.

It's been a dramatic week for G who got in a terrible car accident after getting hit by a bus. Yes, an actual bus. G is willing to accept fault because she did run a red light, but in her defence she was simply following the car in front of her and assumed the light was green. The first car of course was fine. G's car was a total write-off but she was lucky to escape with only bruising and cuts. She could've died. She was also lucky she managed to call her father shortly after the accident and he took care of all the other stuff for her. She only had to spend a day in hospital but it hasn't been much fun taking care of herself since, especially with her boyfriend overseas at the moment. A has been trying to cheer her up with chicken noodle soup but though G would never say it, it's probably doing more harm than good. A is not much of a cook.

Meanwhile A has a new drinking buddy she met through competitions at uni. Everyone thinks this other girl is exactly like her. She drinks like a fish, managed to break the button and zip on her suit skirt, has tattoos and coloured hair and swears at barristers. They've been hanging out quite a bit and get on like a house on fire. However when A told G about her G realised she absolutely hates this girl and thinks she's a raving lunatic. One of G's old friends (who used to be one of her best friends but they had a falling out when G criticised her boyfriend) is good mates with her and even did the speech at her 21st. Awkward, as they'd only known each other a few months at that point. Anyway G finds her rude and crazy. Apparently once when one of G's friends was on a really bad mushroom trip and trying to throw herself out the window (G drove her to hospital) this girl laughed it off and tried to lock her in a room with a TV. G will never forgive her for that.

Of course G has bigger concerns than A's choice of friends right now. Like the fact that she got hit by a bus.

"But is it just me or am I all alone again?

It's a struggle being M these days. Her parents have decided to separate and her mother is moving in with a new guy who has already started acting like M's father and wants to take her on boating trips. As if all this stuff with E wasn't bad enough. She still hasn't decided what she wants to do with her life as she tosses up between work, travel and going back to school. She's also moved back home because her younger sister isn't dealing well with the separation.

E has been surprisingly good with everything and has been M's biggest comfort and sounding board (with the exception of A and J, and C has tried to help out with stories about his thrice married mother and womanzing father) even though he is still overseas. M's glad that at the very least they can still be good friends although sometimes their conversations do venture into the awkward. However their communication is better than it was even in their relationship which is always a plus. M wants to know more about his new girlfriend but is afraid to ask. A, J and C have all been trading emails with E but they keep them brief. They still aren't quite sure how to react to the splitting of everyone's favourite couple or if it will look like they are taking sides. E certainly hasn't told any of them about his new girlfriend anyway. Expert facebook stalker L reckons she's crazy and possessive and has an abusive ex, which would make her pretty much like every other girl E has dated. For whatever reasons, he goes for the crazy ones, With the (possible?) exception of M.

E is supposed to be coming home at the end of June and no one is quite sure how that will work out. Or what he's going to do about the girlfriend in New Zealand. M is simply glad to have him on her side right now though. His parents divorced only a couple of years ago and it seems he knows what she's going through more than anyone.

M hasn't really felt like going out much lately. After a night with J which ended with her in tears and projectile vomiting in a sink she thinks it's better to stay in with tea and new episodes of The Block until she gets her emotions in order.

"I get talking like a teen"

J was trying really hard to be friends with B again.

Years ago, before this blog, before R, before all the shit that happened, J and B were practically best friends. I say 'practically' because A and J have been best friends since they were kids, but there was a time during the end of high school and the first year of uni that it seemed like J and B got along as well as and probably had more in common than A and J. They used to study for English literature for hours, reading ridiculous books and quoting them. They used to go to a lot of indie gigs and hang out with boys in skinny jeans and drink green tea back before it was cool. But that all changed and they've hardly hung out at all over the past year.

However, after being reunited at L's birthday they've gone out for coffee together several times and J is painfully aware how much she misses B. B was the only girl who'd ever have clubbing contests with her: like who could get the phone numbers of the most guys, or the most drinks, or the most kisses...J has missed that.

They've been getting along and having a lot of fun together so J thought they'd take their renewed friendship to the next level: going drinking together. They were doing pre-drinks at J's house and it quickly became obvious that B's alcohol tolerance has gone way down since she used to drink with J regularly. Probably no great surprise. J let her go though, figuring B would know her own limits best and would be able to take care of herself.

Almost as soon as they arrived at a club though, after having only 1 drink and dancing through two songs, it was clear that B was not okay. She had a glazed look in her eyes and her words were going past slurry. She assured J she was okay, but J wasn't taking any chances. She sent B home in a cab and ended up chatting to a bunch of band dudes about her new favourite band Matt Sonic & the High Times. She'd been with them about half an hour when she noticed B was calling her. Concerned, she answered. It wasn't B. It was her twin sister, the ever-psychotic K. K started screaming into the phone that J was a gutless bitch and she'd better never do that to B again. What, send her home when she was too wasted to take care of herself? K told J that she was an awful person and should never see B again and a bunch of other threatening comments. How exactly is it J's fault if B can't handle her alcohol? Everyone else can take care of themselves, why can't B? But it's never about logic with K. She loves any excuse to fly off the handle and go crazy at people, yelling and ranting and being generally abusive.

J suddenly remembers why she stopped being friends with B. Maybe B had her issues but that wasn't the issue. The issue was always the very toxic K. K is insane and cannot be trusted. She will start fights over nothing and over-react about everything. She will threaten you and scare you for no apparent reason. She will physically attack you in the street. She will bad mouth you to absolutely anyone she sees even if she doesn't know them. She's out of control.

And no matter how much J misses B, it will never be worth it if she has to deal with this kind of shit from K.

What we're doing this month...

Loving: using the Melways to find our way around instead of a GPS
Listening to: old school Good Charlotte
Crushing on: Richard Gere, so what if he's a little old for us and our mother's like him?
Worshipping: Tim Burton
Eating: fried rice and sweet corn soup
Drinking: gin and tonics
Rocking: cool patterned black stockings and cocktail rings
Reading: Career Girls by Louise Bagshawe
Failing: to do the washing, lucky we have lots of clothes we just have to buy more underwear