A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

"Let's talk about sex baby"

A has made the call. She's giving up sex. Why? It's the time of the year when everyone startes getting depressed about life (today is the last day of August but the sun shows no sign of coming through and everyone is getting concerned that we may be stuck in the delusional horror that is winter) and she has announced that she hates men because all they talk about is sex and they are all interested in braindead women with pre-puberty barbie bodies and she's sick of it. She considered becoming a lesbian but then realised she hates women because they allow men to treat them as sex objects and because well, she doesn't find them sexually attractive. This might not be true at all but A has decided many of her problems stem from sex and society's general obsession with it. Probably more of A's problems are due to her committment-phobia but she is now a non-sexual. Yes there's hetrosexuals, bisexuals, homosexuals, metrosexuals...and non-sexuals. A's ban on sex doesn't just invlove the physical act itself but also talking about it, watching it (more Sex and the City scenarios than porn...) and anything else sex-related. A thinks it will make her more intelligent and interesting. We'll see.

H is becoming turned off by sex as well, but in a more specific way. One of the guys she works with (you know, at the sex shop) has been hitting on her constantly but she just isn't that into him, possibly because he's way older than her. He just won't take a hint and leave her alone though, so H has had to change a bunch of her shifts to avoid seeing him. This means she now has to work the dodgy and annoying Friday night shift. Plus, working in an 'adults' store kinda puts you off sex. You see too many couples clearly choosing sex toys for the night and too many awful guys jerking off to porn. It desensitises you in a really unpleasent way. Maybe she should quit. Her band is sure to hit the big time any day now...

J is never off sex, of course. She is however, also feeling the effects of the depressing phase that is should-be-pring-but-is-still-winter. In order to fight it off she's been going to the gym every day in order to be bikini ready on the very first beach-worthy weather day. Or maybe it's because of the super hot personal trainer she's managed to find. He's five years older than her, but that's never stopped J before. Then again, her subtle flirting isn't going anywhere. Maybe she needs to turn the heat up.

L is sexually on the fence. She still hasn't slept with secret admirer, which leaves everyone else wondering exactly what they do when they're together. Talk. Make-out. Other assorted fun and games. The whole 'relationship' thing may be hard for A, H and J to understand. They've all had flings, fuck buddies etc but not real relationships. And L is worried what it will mean being the only one of the fab four with a significant other. It's always hard to be the one who's single, or the one who's in a relationship. No one else really understands and nor do they want to. L has always been good at the balancing act though, and secret admirer does seem like a good guy. He's nice to her friends, always returns her calls, is funny and sweet and has plenty of friends and a family he cares about. He's perfect for L really. It's just that the timing isn't perfect. L has a very busy and full life and guys were never a section of her pie graph of time. The more time she spends with secret admirier, the more everything else suffers. And L likes her life the way it is. But she also likes secret admirer. It's going to be a stressful month while she figures it out...

Friday, August 27, 2010

"Take another sip from this hobo's wine"

When does it become official that you drink too much? Is it when you are alone in a public toilet, swigging brew? Is it when your friends start to get carted away in ambulances because they simply can't keep up? Is it when every tagged photo of you on facebook seemes to involve you clutching a bottle or passed out in gutters? Is it when you think it's a good idea to light a ball of toilet paper on fire and throw it around a nightclub? Is it when bartenders have drinks ready for you by the time you make it to the bar? Or is it, horror of horrors, all of the above?

Yes it's been a busy, well few weeks to say the least.

J has been trying to rekindle her friendship with S, with the aid of Bossman who has always gotten along very well with him. J isn't sure why S hasn't been hanging around with us since he returned from Asia but she didn't want to give up on the friendship. Pity S has become a total wanker. He always was a bit of a private school twit who looked down on J for sleeping around even though he's the male version of a slut. But these days? It's so much worse. He orders mulled wine in bogan pubs and spends half his time talking in French because it's 'such a beautiful language'. We may look dumb, but we really aren't. J has been speaking fluent French for years, but she doesn't do it to impress people unlike S. S claims he loves his life and his girlfriend and doesn't need to drink but a few mulled wines later he's talking about bedding every girl in the joint. We might not quote Kurt Vonnegut or James Joyce on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean we haven't read Ulysses. It's really annoying when people think you're stupid or inarticulate, just because you're young or female or went to a public school or drink or have sex. So J has essentially decided S isn't cool enough to be her friend anymore. Unless he drops the wanker act anyway. On the plus side she's cleared the air with Bossman and told him she has no interest in sleeping with him and she's happy to be just friends. So that's settled.

Instead J decided to attempt to pick up one of A and L's uni friends at the drinking-spectacular (two words: open bar) that was the Law Ball. She got him talking about law, music and football and all would have ended well except that A was going drink for drink with his best mate. Never mind that A had already downed half a bottle of vodka for pre-drinks (and he hadn't had any), the several bottles of wine they shared ended up with the best mate being rushed to hospital in an ambulance. A felt guilty, but not as guilty as her friend and a disappointed J ended up going home alone. H found her old pretend friend uni-guy and started yelling at him across the room, only for him to disappear moments later, clearly spooked. No one really wants someone as scary as H screaming 'why did you delete me off facebook?!' at the top of her lungs. A was washing her champagne soaked legs in the sink in the bathroom, only to be caught by the uni version of miss perfect. A met her way back in first year and they were friends until A realised she was boring, got 100% on everything, disapproved of everything from alcohol to premarital sex to soft drink that wasn't diet and never ever stuffed anything up. The night of the ball she had perfect hair, a knee-length dress and had perfect posture in heels. She was also giving A that stiff, upper class look. A's hair was a tangled mess, her dress was around her hips, she can't wear heels and not fall, and she was washing her legs in the sink. But you know what? A beat the little perfect princess by one mark on the criminal law final exam last year. A true victory for the uh, screw-ups. Again, we're not as dumb as we look. L brought secret admirer as her date, and apparently they are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. H has decided this is the reason she hasn't seen L in 4 weeks and spent much of the night bagging the crap out of secret admirer. It ended up being A, of all people, who comforted him, explaining that H takes a long time to warm up to people. If she ever does. Maybe cold comfort then?

No one's seen much of B and K, lately. J saw them 2 weeks ago but after a disastrous clubbing experience has vowed to have a 'twin-free month'. It's been surprisingly easy what with them having moved back home. K apparently has a new boyfriend...yet again. This one is twice her height, a ranga, and never calls or texts her back. So a typical K choice then.

Tonight we've found a club doing a hobo-themed night. So essentially exactly our thing. Forget fancy arse balls, we're all about ripped stockings and cheap beer. Bring it on, the scummier the better.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

"We're gonna sip bacadi like it's your birthday"

Happy 50th post French Toast and Failure! We're going to celebrate with french toast drenched in golden syrup and lour cocktail of the month, Japanese Slippers (midori, cointreau and lime juice).

It appears that now that B and K have moved back home, we won't be seeing them anymore. Truth, K has been out of the picture for awhile. She's deleted everyone but J off of facebook, and, depending on the day, has blocked them from seeing any of her posts on other people's walls (yeah, we didn't know you could do that either). Occasionally she prank calls our mobile phones, but doesn't answer return calls of text messages. She also ignores us if she sees us in the street, especially A and H. For the past week B has also all but disappeared. Despite being invited out on the weekend she simply didn't reply.

L has also been a little camera shy lately. H is convinced it's because she's hanging out with secret admirer behind everyone's back but L is simply not a liar. If she claims she's too busy with family birthdays and study then she's too busy with family birthdays and study. We trust L. Well, mostly. H is still a little unsure. Really she just doesn't trust secret admirer.

Thursday night A, J and H went out as per usual. With pina colada drink specials they left in their wake several trashed and flooded bathrooms, stolen CDs, a burnt tablecloth and a lot of spilled drink. There was faux-moshing and frantic dancing, cigarettes and quick pash-and-dashes. And, of course, all-black outfits.

The following night was C's birthday party pub crawl but only A, J, H and E were in attendance. Well, out of the French Toast and Failure regulars anyway. Obviously C had other friends. The night started off at a fancy and expensive cocktail bar. At first A, J and H felt out of place but they lightened up after a few apple martinis and were soon flirting with bartenders and dancing even though there was no dancefloor. C's cute brother (he has 2) was hitting on J but she doesn't do family members. He became extremely jealous when she hooked up with someone else later that night and started yelling at C. Ugh. Luckily C sent him home and ended the drama there. Later on the night moved to scummier and scummier pubs which is exactly the scene the others like. H and E joked to others that they were a couple, J took a cardigan home that she thought was heres but wasn't and scored some free weed and A got into a fight with a DJ who refused to play The Rolling Stones. Good times.

The night following that A, J and H met up for pizza planning a quiet night to nurse their hangovers and watch Buffy reruns. A couple of bottles of gin later they were running up and down streets and terrorising others at train stations. Yeah, just a quiet night.

Monday, August 9, 2010

"I mean, the high school I went to, they asked a kid to prove the law of gravity, he threw the teacher out the window!"

If September is the month of football what is the month of August? Well, university open days of course. Uni open days are really fun-filled occasions for anyone, whether they're planning on attending said uni in the following year or not. There's usually free pens, bags, t-shirts and sometimes even hats to be had, and most places offer free BBQs/coffee/vitamin water. Needless to say, if we aren't working/hungover/otherwise occupied (which is usually) we are so there.

Yesterday A decided to go touring an inner-city uni with her younger brother, who (if all goes to their parents' plan) will be starting uni next year. It was a change of scenery for A, because the uni she actually attends is kinda out in the sticks. This is due in part to the so-called Melbourne model and the difficulty of studying law in the inner city these days. Sadly her younger brother has no idea what he wants to do. A dragged him around the engineering department for ages, partly because he's a genius in the maths/physics department, partly because she knew G was volunteering and figured she'd say hi. However little brother decided he didn't think engineering was for him and is now talking about becoming a teacher. Riiiight. And to add insult to injury, there wasn't even a BBQ! Maybe the sticks has something going for it after all. Still, there was free mints and coffee.

J headed out on a long long trip outside the city because she's thinking about going back to school and studying dentistry next year. Kind of seems an odd choice for someone who has studying three semesters of science, all with long breaks in between, and hated all of it. Oh well. She likes pulling teeth. Going such a long way out of town made J realise just how many country bogans actually exist. Not to mention making her feel old beyond her years surrounded by people who hadn't yet reached the legal drinking age. Then again, maybe she was just feeling old due to her killer hangover from doing jaegerbombs and smoking pot with B into the wee hours the night before. It was the trip home that really banged the nail into the coffin of J's potential dentistry career though. Sitting on the tram in her sunglasses gazing out the window seemed like the smart option until Justin climbed aboard, completely ignored her and then sat next to her, pulling out his ipod and not speaking. J sat there, staring at him and waiting for him to recognise her. He appeared not to, sitting there and silently rocking out to his music. Eventually J whipped off her sunglasses and yelled at him 'are you going to say hello?!' Justin appeared genuinely shocked, and the pair then shared awkward conversation until it was time for J to get off the tram. Unfortunately she left her sunglasses behind, leaving Justin to leap off the tram and run after her to give them back. He then asked her out again. Despite the fact that he has fun friends, Justin himself is kind of a bore and J really doesn't want a relationship with him. The fact that he's still trying though means he's not going to go away quietly...

No one has seen L for awhile. She hasn't been rocking up to regularly planned events and it is suspected she's ditching us for secret admirer. H is less than pleased. She figures if she can fit her friends around her jobs, uni and band practice L should be able to make time for everyone too. Of course, H doesn't have a new boyfriend. Still, whoever thought L would be the type to dtich the mates for the boy? It is such a K thing to do.

Speaking of K, B has taken a job at the same restaurant K works in. They have also both moved back home. This is probably as weird as it gets. Usually once people move out of home, barring crisis, that's it. However K (and thus B, because B has been agreeing with everything K says lately) has been talking about how much she misses her close-knit family and them all living together. The fab four have had a flashback to what life was like before B and K moved out of home. Between the strict Asian parents and the fact that to them family is everything, they rarely hung out with people when their family wasn't present. They never came out drinking or shopping or to the movies or anything because they always had family stuff to do. It was R in fact who forced them to move out because he said he couldn't have a relationship with B and her family. I suppose it shows how important R was to B in that she was willing to leave her family for him. But now that R is virtually out of the picture, R answers to K instead. And K wants to move back home. It's difficult to see how our friendship will survive the reverse-transition. As it is, we hardly see K. That's possibly because she refuses to talk to A, L and H and has deleted them off facebook and ignored them in the street. It would be said to lose B as a friend as well though. But it seems she's determined to keep it all in the family, living at home and working with K. Well at least she's doing something since she rarely shows up at uni.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

"The past is only the future with the lights on"

What we've learned today...

After years of drawing EDTA it's finally dawned on us that the molecule is actually a small backbone with four identical functional groups...not as complicated as we've managed to make it for years.

Working in a sex shop equals freaks. Especially when it's open late at night.

There are times the High Court should have been comprised of only Justice Kirby and Garcia was one of those occasions.

The Soundwave leaked lineup better by right. Queens of the Stone Age? Hell yes!

Now to go get ready for another night out: patterned stockings with short black dresses and blasting Rock the Casbah.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

"Her heart beats red wine, my toxic valentine"

Days at uni that go from 9am to 7pm? When exactly are we supposed to see the sunshine? And with 300 pages of reading per subject, when are we supposed to sleep? Oh wait, we don't go to class. Or do the reading. Never mind then.

Last weekend was fun-filled, despite the rain-drenched city which caused wet tights to stick to legs in most unpleasent ways. L had a perfect date with secret admirer, who is turning out to be one of the sweetest guys ever. A guy who actually gives you flowers, just because? That has to be the cutest thing ever. L and H got into a fight about L not attending H's birthday party, with H accusing L of ditching her for a romantic getaway with secret admirer (note that it was actually B's suggestion). L denied ditching her, they got into a rowdy argument and then got over it. H still doesn't like secret admirer though. She's convinced he's too perfect and too charming and he must be hiding something. L sort of has the same thought process. She still doesn't really feel like she knows him and isn't prepared to make a committment to a guy she doesn't really know. After all, she hasn't known him that long. This weekend he wants her to meet his parents. L is scared shitless. Let's face it, meeting the parents is always scary.

J went out and got drunk with Bossman on Friday, or at least she got drunk. Bossman didn't drink at all. He also behaved oddly around he all night as if he was being careful. J is worried that Bossman thinks they're going to have sex if he doesn't watch himself and is kind of pissed he doesn't think she has any self-control, even though she doesn't really believe she has any self-control herself. She tried to prove to him she wasn't interested by flirting and dancing with other guys but he didn't seem convinced. He was uncomfortable being too close to her all night, and avoided touching her even in innocent places like tapping her on the shoulder to get attention. J really doesn't want to have 'the talk' with him because she isn't interested. Bossman is into kinky stuff like being hung from the ceiling with metal hooks in his flesh. J likes some out there activities but that just plain freaks her out.

A is back to work, although everything has changed since her last shift. Not only does she have a new boss (who is female and A is already managing to not get along with after rocking up hungover and annoucing she would be sitting down for her entire shift) but the guy she spent a weekend of passion with and the tried to avoid has vanished. A was initally pleased by this because she doesn't enjoy ongoinng sexual encounters with anyone. Then she realised she'd lost one of her favourite work mates and a good guy friend. With the arrival of new bitch boss, it might be time to move.

On Saturday night the fab four + B (J, A, H, L and B) went out for drinks and dancing. A and J split a bottle of vodka for pre-drinks before downing skittlesbombs (whatever they are) beer and tequila shots at the venue. H and B got shitfaced on cheap wine and mango flavoured vodka while L had a quiet night. Except, you know, for the bottle of red wine. A managed to fall face flat next to the bar, appeared to fall asleep while dancing and stole the hats of at least 3 guys. One of these guys started following her, leaving L to find the hat, give it back and shouting at them to 'leave us the hell alone!' B had a long-haired band dude to hook up with while J chatted for 2 hours to a guy she knew but never even spoke to in high school. Random people (probably aquaintences) started yelling out A's name but as she was incoherent H decided to entertain them...with a striptease. Clearly spending too much time at that sex shop.

Ah, the nights to remember forever.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

What we're doing this month...

Loving: footy, we've got September fever one month early
Listening to: The Strokes
Crushing on: Ashton Kutcher, after a That 70's Show marathon
Worshipping: Angelina Jolie in Salt
Eating: choc-chip muffins
Drinking: Japanese Slippers
Rocking: Thick wooly jumpers, relics from the 80s
Reading: Peepshow by Leigh Redhead and the subsequent sequals
Failing: to get a decent night's sleep