"Don't you know people write songs about girls like you"

E recently made an announcement. He's been offered a new job. It's a great opportunity, and a job in the field he actually wants to work in (graphic design) rather than the hospitality waiter/barista jobs he's been working for the past few years. The only hitch? The job is in New Zealand. It's also only a limited tenure 6-month contract, but the company has let him know there is possibilty for extension if the project he will be working on goes well.

It should all be pretty exciting. A new job, a job you've been working towards for years, and a chance to travel and live overseas. Except for E's new relationship with M.

Actually, M doesn't mind. She's planning on traveling for over a month fairly soon and feels their relationship is strong enough to survive the distance. Plus, it's only 6 months. However E wants her to move over with him and M isn't prepared to do that. They haven't been together that long and she has plans for herself in the new year. She's thinking of going back to school and dong some study or at least changing jobs (she is so sick of IT!) and setting up for her career and future. Plus, she's already been to New Zealand and has no desire to live there. E isn't exactly happy. This is the kind of guy that wasn't pleased when his girlfriend took a beach vacaction without him. It could be his history of dating psychotic girls, but he isn't used to being with someone as easygoing and perhaps blase as M. She doesn't understand what he's so worried about and why he keeps acting jealous. They've known each other forever and been good friends for a long time. What is he worrying about? Let's just hope the two of them can stay together at least before the distance becomes a problem.

J bumped into an ancient hook-up of hers vampire a few days ago and shacked up with him for several nights. It was well and good until he asked her what she was doing for New Year's Eve and became upset when her plans didn't include him. Exactly what was he expecting? A few days of sex do not a relationship make, and they aren't quite friends either. J quickly cut him loose and is now ignoring texts from him suggesting they catch up in the new year. He became clingy way too fast and that is never a good sign for future involvement. J's a bit disappointed with that, because he can do amazing things with his tongue...

A is amazed with how nice dinner date is. He is really spoiling her, taking her out for (moderately) expensive dinners, making her pancakes for breakfast in the morning and sending her cute messages when he hasn't seen her in a few days. The complete opposite of V, who only calls her for a booty call. A is getting exhausted by the niceness though and he makes her feel guilty because she is never that nice.

"Bring a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until someone passes out. Then bring one every ten minutes."

L and A joined a few uni friends for ice-skating as part of a christmas celebration. L is completely uncoordinated, and spent most of the time gripping the handrail with a tightly clenched white fist and gasping in terror while several of her smart arse friends wizzed by, spraying ice into her face. A isn't exactly athletic unless someone pisses her off, but compared to L she was practically Michelle Kwan. At least she could skate around and didn't walk out with ice burns.

Afterwoods, A naturally suggested drinks and happy hour begun with 2-for-1 cocktails and cheap beer. A was soon dancing on the decidedly quiet bar, much to the amusement of the bartender. He even joined her for a bit, as did L. The others however were more content to stare openmouthed. A then sent a bunch of mocking photos to the guy she is currently trying to piss off after he defaced her guestbook message at a recent wedding and stomped on her feet during the traditional dancing. L tried to stop her, but there will be no peace until there is a surrender.

A is also still seeing dinner date, however it has progressed from fast food after nights out to actual (gasp!) real food at a normal time of day. Of course A usually has a few shots prior and a wine on arrival but she is still (gasp!) dating this guy. And having sex with him apparently, not to mention V. Dinner date seems a sweet guy despite his tongue piercing and bass guitar, but that may be his failing. A has never been the sort to go for nice guys. No, she goes for arrogant arseholes and cheating people wearing an engagement ring.

J nearly missed a conert she went to with Druggie after meeting her out in the suburbs and smoking too much of something that wasn't tobacco. They missed the support band but just made it in time. Lucky, because J hates to miss a mosh pit no matter what kind of funny fags she's been smoking. Druggie was still a bit odd and standoffish, but that may be because she'd just come off a three day bender and hadn't slept and was looking like Alice Cooper on a really bad day.

J has also been successfully avoiding Motley Crue and Wow, but she did have to face a disaster family christmas where everyone but her was part of a couple. Her (now apparently sappy) cousins brought along girls they'd been dating less than 6 months and spent most of dinner ignoring J and holding hands and whispering to each other. It was almost too much for J when there were a few outside drinks but they had to go inside because one of the girlfriends was too cold. It was a warm, if not hot, 26C day. J had no idea how to escape the swarm of couples and it made her sick to the stomach. She drank and smoked heavily before throwing up behind some bushes. She sees her cousins approximately twice a year and they see their girlfriends all the time, but had no interest in talking to her or anyone else for that matter. And who even brings 6-month-old girlfriends? They'll be someone else next year. It's enough to make anyone physically ill, let alone someone who's just sculled a bottle of grapa.

"And a partridge in a pear tree"

Merry Christmas everyone!

The one day a year where it is completely acceptable to have a dozen bottles of wine and 2 slabs for a party of seven people.

After all, we wouldn't want any unexpected guests to go thirsty, would we?

"Wait a minute...nice boys don't kiss like that." "Oh yes they fucking do."

A was surprised to find V presenting her with a Big Day Out ticket as a 'just because' present. They're not gifting types of people. Or even acting like any normal couple types of people. They hit a bed together and then they go their separate ways. And Big Day out tickets are not exactly cheap. Of course, A and J had their credit cards out the second they went on sale but still, it was very thoughtful.

Most likely it was an apology for the other night when A went out drinking at a bar with C and a few of his friends and spotted V in the corner groping some blonde bimbo in a non-existent skirt. He had earlier told A he was DJing at another club that night and they hadn't seen each other since his holiday up north. A said nothing at the time but spotted the same blonde bimbo smirking at her in a coffee shop near her work a day later. She couldn't wipe that smug i-fucked-your-boyfriend look off her face.

Either way A felt like she should show her gratitude (even though she will most likely be selling the ticket on ebay, or to L) and wound up inviting him as her date to her grandma's 80th birthday. She regretted it straight away since her family is intense, usually drunk and very aggressive and inquisitorial and well...she doesn't even like V that much. He just happens to be good in bed.The 80th birthday was a garden party full of most of A's family and a lot of red wine. V seemed to be taking the event very seriously and was on his best behaviour. Despite the intense stares and questioning as the first guy A has ever brought to a family event he held up well. He was charming and smart and funny and almost perfect. The only awkward moment came when A's grandma pulled her to the side and said "Who is that lovely nice boy you're with? Is it serious?" A had no idea what to say. She looked blank and ummed and ahhed until her grandma gave her a knowing smile and said, "Ah, he's one of those 'friends with benefits' yes? Like in the movies." A constantly underestimates her Betty White-esque grandma. "Well, you shouldn't let that one go," she added.

Of all the things in her life, A never though V would get the seal of approval from her gran.

Guess dinner date is going to have to work a bit harder to win her affections.

"Staying here will only breed obsession, and I'm already obsessed"

Homewrecker? Whom, moi?

C has just returned from a vaction bike ride, where he naturally spent most of his time all but injecting alcohol into his veins and passed out in the back of some dude's truck. He didn't actually get on a bike which is probably a good thing not just for him but any other drivers or pedestrains on the road.

Of course, despite the fact that many people think he's gay when they first meet him, C is quite good with women. Extremely good. He met two very attractive girls on the first night and spent the night downing shots and flirting. He and one of the girls innocently kissed but that was all. The following day she confessed she had a boyfriend and C quickly backed away, claiming he doesn't do complicated. Instead he had sex with the other girl in the bushes. She used to be an acrobat and was a fan of casual sex so it was pretty much the perfect night in C's opinion. The next day the pair hung out as friends, nothing awkward. Meanwhile the first cornered C and told him she hoped they could be friends and not have things complicated. C eagerly agreed but one thing lead to another and they ended up having (fairly ordinary, in C's opinion) sex. They continued to hook up for the rest of the trip but C much preferred chatting and hanging with the acrobat.

After they got back from the trip the girl (not the acrobat, she was cool and they're now friends) tested C to tell him she'd broken up with her boyfriend. C decided not to respond as he wasn't sure how. He then noticed her facebook status: bad day, broke up with my boyfriend and the guy i'm in love with isn't talking to me. C started to freak out. When exactly did she fall 'in love' with him? What happened to uncomplicated? Fortunately the problem was solved by hitting delete and block on facebook. You little homewrecker C.

But C could never beat J for a ridiculous situation. If he's a homewrecker, she's managed to become a lesbian homewrecker. After a massive Thursday night J had a black memory and was surprised to wake up in bed next to a woman she'd never met before. Apparently the women was a lesbian (who'd been in a long-term 6 year relationship) and the pair had made out the night before. J couldn't recall that at all, but she was fairly drunk. Still, J is usually on the prowl for potential men and doesn't swing both ways. The woman was also a few years older and not very attractive. J send the woman home and continued her merry way...until she spotted the woman out at a club that night when she was with Druggie and Ronald McDonald. The woman came and flirted with J and they ended up getting in the same cab. They were supposed to be going their separate ways, but when the taxi got to J's place she got out as well. The cab was gone by the time J realised and she let the woman stay the night on her bedroom floor. When she woke up the woman was gone and J had a new text: thanks for making me walk the 14km home. J had a slight what-the-fuck freakout but figured the weird experience was over.

However later that day J received a phone call from the woman's partner saying that she though the woman was going to leave her for J. J started to get very nervous and tried to explain that she was straight and nothing even happened. She's starting to become convinced they never even kissed. Since then, she's received a few calls and messages from the woman wanting to catch up. J has followed C's move and deleted and blocked.

What, is it the season for crazy stalkers or something?

"Very well, then. War!"

A has a reputation for being violent and aggressive, but usually it's all fun and games. It's mostly just joking around and she doesn't get that physical in daily life. Her bitchy comments are usually just jokes and she throws most of her punches in mosh pits where it's perfectly socially acceptable to fight strangers. But everyone should remember that there's still a reason she has such a reputation, and that's because when someone pisses A off they always lose. Physically and verbally, no one wants to go a few rounds with her.

Many of her friendships are characterised by joking around and playful insults, and such is the case with her group of uni friends. However a couple of months ago one of her friends suggested she was being a little harsh to another one of their friends who was particularly sensitive. A made a big apology and has gone out of her way to be nice to him for the last few months. However everyone has continued talking (joking in most cases) about how she's always a bitch to him, him included. A didn't really care. Since then it has in fact been him who's been a bit of a prick to her by 'forgetting' to invite her out once and generally ignoring her or making snide jokes about her intelligence etc. Apparently the tables had turned, and A became the victim.

Last weekend was a mutual friend's wedding (yeah, since when did we start attending weddings??) and he took it too far be defacing A's comment in the guestbook. A was really pissed off because it was an attack on their friend rather than her. The guestbook will be a memory of her special day forever and A was not pleased that her heartfelt message was ruined. She would probably have accepted it and moved on if he'd apologised, the way she had when the shoe was on the other foot and she had taken it too far, but when she confronted him he ignored it.

So now? Game on, except it's no game. Some intensely bitchy comments left A's mouth for the rest of the reception, to the point where one of their friends pulled her aside and suggest she turn it down a notch because he was almost in tears. A did, but only because she didn't want to ruin the wedding. In the future, his tears will mark her success.

Don't mess with A. She's fuckin' crazy.

"What is your childhood trauma?"

The awkwardness of a one-night-stand with a guy who clearly doesn't get out much.

J has pretty much perfected one-night-stand etiquette over the years, and doesn't appreciate guys that don't seem to get it. There's no need to be an arsehole in the morning, or a week later, or pretend nothing happened. Keep it casual, keep it neat. In the morning it is important to be polite and civil, but not to outstay one's welcome. Unless it is clear you're both after morning sex, wake up before the other person, get dressed, say a polite goodbye (and ask for directions to the nearest train station) and get the hell out of here. If you ever see them again a simple 'hey man, how's it going' works wonders. After that, it's time to move on. If the person is at your house, in the morning ask them if they want a cab, which lets them know it's time to go without being rude. Basic conversation is fine, eg what are you up to today etc, asking for their number of suggesting you catch up the enxt day is not. If there is conversation one should always be friendly and cheerful (even if your head does feel like it's about to explode) and should never contain insults about their sex skills or appearence. If the other person is making conversation, it is important to participate and not answer in irritating and standoffish one-word answers.

It's all simple isn't be? Be courteous. There's no reason to not use your manners just because you've licked whipped cream off their dick is there?

Sadly for J, things haven't been all simple lately. A one-night-stand two weeks ago left her stranded out in the country with a very awkward, poncho-wearing guy. She should have known the night before when he admitted he was nervous and awkward that things weren't going to end well. Upon waking up, J got dressed and the guy woke up. J tried to make conversation but he basically ignored her. She asked how to get to the train station. He said he'd walk her. That was nice of him. Until he put on a poncho (and nothing else) walked J to the door and said 'it's that way' pointing down the street and slamming the door in J's face. The station of course was nowhere in sight.

J walked around for nearly an hour, asking directions of randoms. One guy gave her detailed directions and told her it was about 10 minutes. Five minutes later the same guy drove past in a car and asked her if she wanted a lift. He hadn't seemed creepy on the street, but suddenly in the car and with that crazy look in his eyes...J freaked out and ran the rest of the way to the station. It was not a fun morning, especially when she found out trains were cancelled and there was a crappy replacement bus.

She ran into the guy a week later and gave him a wave. He turned and ran in the other direction.

There really is no excuse for poor manners is there?

"Dance, dance, we're falling apart to half time"

It's cold. So we're slathering up with peach body butter from The Body Shop. Because it smells like summer. And buying 6 bottles of red wine. 'Cos it's cheaper.

J has not been in a good mood this weekend. She was supposed to be chilling with Druggie. They'd rented a house on the beach and had planned to spend the whole time getting stoned and eating while staring off into the sunset. Perhaps not the best weather for it, and most of the beaches are still full of drunken 18-year-olds on schoolies trips but it would still have been fun. However Druggie bailed at the absolute last minute (J was actually at the train station with her luggage) because her possessive boyfriend apparently 'put his foot down' and refused to allow her to go.

Since when do we need the boys' permission to leave out house? M had to deal with this shit last week from the increasingly clingy E and she was not impressed. M refuses to be the kind of girlfriend who holes up in a bedroom with her boy watching Futurama repeats and eating nachos until they're both too fat to be seen in public and don't even talk to their housemates (*true story, although not involving M or E*). M's pretty normal though, especially compared to Durggie. Druggie and her boyfriend do have a weirdly intense relationship, characterised by mutual domestic abuse, acid freak-outs and hospitalisations. Unpleasant stuff. They aren't good for each other, but they love each other. Supposedly. What can you do?

Anyway, J was pretty damn pissed off when she realised she was left with a weekend's supply of weed, no friends and a massive bill for a holidays she never took. She decided to get massively fucked and blow out her memory of the night. Hence the weed and the 6 bottles of wine. She went clubbing with P and a bunch of her other gay friends since she hadn't hung out with them for awhile, but after throwing up on a transsexual and realising she wasn't going to get to have sex with anyone with a penis she ditched the gay boys to start looking for a hook-up at 3am in the city streets. The options thus being homeless hobos and male prostitutes. And apparently a guy J sees regularly at gigs and has never hooked up with. He told her he's wanted to have sex with her since the very first time he saw her (probably about 9 months ago, and a fact J already knew since she'd seen that look in is eye) and she figured what the hell and had sex with him. He turned out to have a killer body hidden under his stupid baggy jeans and was fantastic in the sack. The only hitch? The following morning he was awkward as hell, J felt like her brain was about to leak out of her ears, and it took her 2 and a half hours to get home on public transport. Where are all the fucking taxis?

Meanwhile...

A went on a another dinner date with the dude she had dinner with a couple of weeks ago. It's important to lay a little context here. A doesn't date. She has sex in secret and rarely talks about it, except when she's had a few too many tequila shots and starts rating guys she's slept with out of 10. She doesn't do dinner, or the movies, or romantic walks on the beach. She is more likely to give a guy a black eye than her phone number. But this dude seems to have found a way to 'date' A. A eats. Like, a lot. As in she's the sort of person who'd go out for dinner with a guy and the guy would order the 200g steak and A would order the 400g steak and the waitress will be look at her and say 'seriously?' because A is tiny and A will then order extra chips and lick every last drop of sauce off the plate. When she drinks, A gets even more hungry. One time, she threatened a bouncer with a lawsuit if she didn't get him something to eat. She got garlic bread.

Dinner date keeps hanging around rock clubs where A dances/thrashes and around the time it's 4am and there's no more good Misfits tunes to play he sweeps in and suggests they go get food. He's managed to do this three times. Three times isn't a fluke or luck. Three times is a pattern.

It's like this. Most people will sleep with someone once, if just for curiosity. A second time can follow without meaning anything. If it was really good, well you just want another go. If it was really bad you find yourself thinking you should give the person another chance and really, how bad can it be? But the third time establishes a pattern. Once something happens three times it's a given a fourth will follow. It's true in sex, in dates, in life.

So is A dating this guy? He's super smart and manages to challenge A with his intelligence and extensive knowledge of politics, world affairs, history, literature and art. And can even be smart when he's drunk. And smoking crack. Plus he's a ridiculously good kisser. Perhaps it's the tongue piercing. The hilarious thing is that A refuses to acknowledge she's going on dates. She just claims to be hungry. Then again, maybe A doesn't know what a date is...

What we're doing this month...

Loving: daydreaming about travelling to Europe and roaming the streets of Prague
Listening to: The Living End. Classic Aussie rock.
Crushing on: Jamie Campbell Bower even though he did appear in a Twilight film...(but Harry Potter and Sweeney Todd!)
Worshipping: Joan Jett. As always.
Eating: chicken and cheese toasted sandwiches with sweet chilli sauce
Drinking: iced coffee on hot days
Rocking: massive bows in our hair
Reading: Harlan Coben's Myron Bolitar thrillers
Failing: to pretend we aren't upset about Demi and Ashton splitting up.