"Say your prayers little one"

Valentine's Day. It doesn't matter whether you're single, newly coupled up, or in a long-term relationship. You will be disappointed. Unless you have very, very low expectations. Which, let's be honest, quite frequently we do.

G was supposed to be going on an awesome shopping trip to the markets with the new friends she's met overseas, but spent most of the day chasing around her boyfriend's instructions for a special surprise she was supposed to receive. Unfortunately the surprise didn't quite work out, and all the flowers and chocolates her boyfriend had ordered didn't show up and G was sitting in a small restaurant on her own feeling lonely while all her friends bought some super cool artwork and knitted boots.

L got exactly zero surprises from her new boyfriend. In fact, the only surprise seemed to be the expression on his face when he realised he was actually supposed to do something. Instead of a romantic dinner L got to hang out with all of his mates eating cheap Vietnamese noodles and talking about 'souped up cars'. Oh yeah. He's a real romantic.

M got a text from her new loverboy about an hour before they were supposed to meet up saying he had a family emergency. Nothing you can do about that of course so she stayed at home watching Friends and eating pizza. He called her about 3am for phone sex. She was not quite so impressed with that, especially since she had to be up early for work.

J and A decided to ignore the couples and went to the beach. Unfortunately people decided PDAs were acceptable and were all but having sex (and some probably were) in the water or on their towels. They both realised with a jolt that at the moment they have absolutely no male attention in their life, not even to call up for a quickie. A bit depressing actually. Which made J want to go out and hit the clubs boozed up on gin. Except, of course, that it was couples everywhere. She even bumped into C and his new boyfriend. Just not cool. Even A's little brother was apparently buying roses.

"Where the grass is green and the girls are pretty"

M is back on the commitment bandwagon, declaring the guy she has been sleeping with for the past 3 weeks or so is her new boyfriend. E had seemed calm with the idea when he though it was just casual sex, but he been making snide remarks ever since M announced they were official. Then again it probably doesn't help that the new boyfriend thinks it is 'weird' that M still hangs out with E. M is balancing them both fine enough at the minute, but let's just hope it isn't the calm before the storm.

A is still spending sunny days in the library or in court and is so bored she has developed insomnia. She has become a little whiny with self pity over a study program that she chose and got pissed off with autistic guy since he didn't seem to understand her complaints. On occasion she cheers herself up by getting so drunk she falls down stairs and has to be shoved into a taxi by bouncers before passing out in her own bed.

J went on a other camping trip with Druggie and Druggie's new boyfriend. Druggie just cannot comprehend the single life and it is starting to bother J. Still, they had a pleasant few days staring at the stars and smoking too much weed. All for the best when the new uni semester is just around the corner and J is still not even sure the uni is going to let her back in she has failed so many classes. But come on now, isn't failing cool?

C has a new gay relationship and is supposedly in love with this one too. Poor boy seems a bit confused, and not just about his sexuality. Great sex does not equal great love.

And of course everyone is ridiculously jealous of G and her photos running around Machu Picchu topless.

"It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this?"

It's a new year and, naturally, nothing has changed. Does anyone believe it actually will? Oh year, for the first week of January the number of joggers on well-worn paths trebles (much to J's irritation as she runs 4 times a week year round) but by now everything is back to normal and everyone is buying up a lot of booze and lamb for the Australia Day BBQ.

Anyway, J has more to worry about than a few extra people jogging on her preferred route. She's still trying to dodge 'the one' is still ringing her constantly suggesting they 'hang out' which is not something she wants to do with him. He is posting sad, pathetic posts of facebook about how he misses his girlfriend (well ex) but he is still hitting on J. And we thought at the very least he was a nice guy. You just can't trust anyone. J's psychotic French grandma is also down for a visit. Naturally, all she does is abuse J about every aspect of her personality from her tattoos to her long hair and what she's doing with her life. It's no wonder J is holed up in her room smoking pot for most of every visit from her grandma. Her mother just seems to disappear for most of the time and her father is also hitting the wacko tobacco. Luckily, it's only a one week stay.

The alternative grandma is A's Betty White like grandma who decided to stay with A for a few days after G moved out (she's left for the great South American adventure, and managed to get her card skimmed on her first day in Brazil). She potters around the house making super spicy curries and yelling about how overrated Tomic is while watching the tennis before telling A she's off to the movies with a nice fellow she met at the RSL. Meanwhile A has been hooking up with a high-functioning autistic guy she met at a pub. It's working out surprisingly well because he can't show or read emotion, and neither can A. And they both don't really seem to care.

M has started pole-dancing classes as her New Year's Resolution and apparently it is a good workout. Unfortunately everyone there is female. Her and E spent NYE together with a few other friends and had an excellent night. M is thinking that maybe, after everything, they do actually make better friends after all. Well she says that, until he finds another girl. Which he will. E is never short of a girlfriend. Although M hasn't really been short a boyfriend for awhile now.

L spent NYE in a hotel room with her new boyfriend, much to everyone's disgust. She received a bunch of catcalling phone calls which she chose to ignore. She also bumped into her ex, secret admirer, a few days ago. He suggested they catch up. L told him that sounded good but didn't mention the new boyfriend. It's an odd situation for her. At the time, she really thought she cared about secret admirer even though she didn't want a serious relationship with him. Now she thinks maybe that was all in her head, because she's managed to overcome her commitment phobia with her new boyfriend. Sadly, she has become quite smug about it and now thinks she's the expert on overcoming commitment phobia and keeps telling A and J that one day they'll find the right guy. A pointed out that she's seeing a guy who has autism because she can't stand emotions and that every guy who falls in love with J makes her want to run the other way. Or put him 6 feet under. Maybe they are just a little bit more fucked up.

C has, thankfully, broken up with his boyfriend but is now in some bizzare threeway relationship with another guy and a girl. It might be a little too (semi)monogamous, but is so typically C to behave so strangely that it seems there's hope for him yet. Well, until he decides to settle in the suburbs and have 2.5 kids.

"Are you insane? (Are you kidding me?)"

C is home! After four months of hilarious posts and photos showing up on facebook, drunken antics and the kind of craziness that only comes from travel he has returned to the land of...well, us.

But C is perhaps not the same guy that left us. For one thing, he hasn't come back alone. He has come back in a relationship. With another guy.

C has always been the guy who seems kinda gay but isn't. He is slightly flamboyant and  his interests include Freddie Mercury, musical theatre and singing along to p!nk. All of his relationships, his flings and most of his hook-ups have been with those of the female persuasion. He's never been against a bit of experimentation but, up until now, that's all it had been. Experimentation. He's always wanted a family and kids so it was always sort of assumed he'd end up with a girl. If course, he's always been a whore so it wasn't necessarily assumed he'd end up with anyone. But apparently he managed to pick up and older, rich Irish bloke in his travels. Said bloke is even following him to Australia for a few months.

C has started to talk about settling down and maybe moving into a place with him. He sounds nostalgic about his old life of dancing around stripper poles and slutting around but he doesn't seem to really miss it. He seems content to stay at home with his new boy and watch Can of Worms. And nothing says succumbing to coupledom like watching Can of Worms. Nothing.

A is horrified. So is J since they used to have so much in common, but C has been one of A's closest friends for years. And he has been a party friend. What is she supposed to do with him now? C always used to be the guy who was up for anything, and always had the best solutions fro drunk injuries (vodka cruiser label anyone?) and now? He's at home watching Can of Worms. Commitment-phobic A and party-girl J just may have meltdowns.

"Hey I heard you were a wild one"

About a million years ago (okay more like 6 months, but who's counting) J made enemies out of a local band when she didn't recognise them. They aren't a huge band, but they're typical of those arrogant musos who think that anyone who's anyone knows who they are. Maybe they're even right. J did know who they were, but she was too drunk to notice. She started chatting away and asked, "Oh, are you in a band?" They all now hate her. Over dramatic? Probably. That's bass players for you.

Recently he's started working at a club we frequent...frequently. He started off just cleaning tables and staying far away from J, so that was okay. He seems to have earned himself a promotion to door bitch though. Last weekend he refused to allow J to reenter after she smoked a cigarette and suggested A have a glass of water because she's 'too drunk'. Oh yeah, that's a real rock star. J was seriously pissed off and had to go next door and drink in some dance club full of 16 year old sluts with fake IDs and their arse hanging out of their skintight dresses. It's enough to make you throw up. Even if you haven't consumed a drop of alcohol the night before. J is slightly concerned now. Is this guy the permanent door bitch? All the other bouncers love her. She's there all the time. This guy is just a twat with an ego way bigger than he's earned.

Meanwhile M is busy attending design conferences and trying to fit in coffee with E when she has the chance. She's glad they're friends again but a part of her yearns for something more. A big part of her. She has a date later in the week with a guy she met at uni and hopes that goes well. But she just can't see herself clicking with anyone the way she does with E. She's afraid to admit that to him, even though he's currently single.

L is avoiding text messages and facebook chats with a guy she got mostly naked with at a recent law conference. She's quite embarrassed about the whole thing because normally she so isn't like that, but she's also annoyed because she has no intention of ever seeing him again. Partly because he lives in another city but mostly because she feels like if she couldn't make it with secret admirer she can't make it with anyone. At least, not at this point in her life.

Trouble in paradise is continuing with G and her longtime boyfriend. After a week of spending every night together she suggested to him that they spend a bit of time apart. He asked her if she wanted to break up. Despite the increasing doubts G was shocked and horrified. She figures this is a good sign for their relationship. But even though she told him she definitely doesn't want to break up, she's wondering if he does. And, what exactly they're going to do about that.

Of course C is still overseas in Europe and is having an 'absolutely fabulous' time even if he did have a sneaky vomit under the Eiffel tower after consuming too much red wine and woke up in London with bruises all over his face. Ah well. It happens.

"The busy have no time for tears"

Sorry for the lack of posting of late. We've all been frantic putting together internship applications, filling up our CVs with extra-curricular activities and volunteer work, going to the footy, drinking, making an arse out of ourselves at national competitions and working our usually shitty jobs. One day I will have time for a proper post but for now...

J: has found herself a new group of punk-rocker friends and has been smoking and having ridiculous orgies with said band dudes. Occasionally one of them makes some statement she just doesn't understand (usually assuming that because she's a girl she must be obsessed with cuddles and relationships) but she chooses to ignore that and keep smoking. It's second semester of uni and that's never been a good sign for J. The dead bodies are piling up in one of her classes (so they can cut it open, it's a medical elective) and all her friends are deferring.

A: has been in a funk since she couldn't find the cute English boy she fell in love with for a night. Decided to distract herself by entering a ridiculous number of mooting competitions so she can crush annoying law students and forget about the shitty things that are happening in her life. She's also started an affair with one of her opponents, but it's not love. It's just sex. She's also been caught still hanging out with V, but what else is new?

G: returned from her trip overseas, where she only bumped into C once. Admitted that she is thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend which will never happen because they are the most solid couple ever. We hope.

M: is trying to do the 'just friends' thing with E. It's even sort of working. She's also been dealing with her new post-separation parents. Her dad is depressed and M has no idea what she's supposed to say to him. Her mum has shacked up with her new boyfriend who keeps trying to win M over by inviting her and her sister on boating trips. Some of them even sound kind of fun. M doesn't want a new father though and she really doesn't respect her mum dating so soon.

L: managed to get the dream job working at the footy, except now people keep throwing up all over her and that is not a good thing. She's starting to think maybe football isn't so fun now that it's work. Has also been up to her ears in competitions and needed to blow off some steam- she was found leaving a random hotel room early one morning and hightailing it home in a taxi. She didn't accept the guy's facebook friend request. That girl is starting to behave like A.

B and K are also back from overseas and have started harassing L to hang out again. J still hasn't heard from then since her disastrous night out with B. Oh, well.

"Love in an elevator"

You know what's hilarious? Random super drunk conversations about sex with people (usually guys for some reason) you've just met...usually through other friends.

"You know when you're having a threesome and sometimes one of the guys just gets in the way? It's just best to have sex with them separately." (J)

"I once knew this girl who could almost come just from having her inner thighs touched."
"Yeah, pretty much sure an 'almost orgasm' is no orgasm at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'd be damn pissed off if a guy 'almost' made me come." (A)

"People that don't reciprocate oral sex are the lowest of the low."
"Except for guys that shove it up your arse without asking permission." (M)
"Uh...yeah, except for that."

"Don't you hate it when a guy is thrusting really hard and just accidentally puts it in your arse?"
"Okay so I'm not having sex tonight."  (L)

"You haven't had sex until you've fucked to Motley Crue." (J)

"Masturbating is totally underrated. I mean, at least you're guaranteed a good time." (A)

"We were fucking and then I found out he liked Nickleback. So I had to get up and leave." (J)
"He didn't yell out 'Chad Kroeger' when he came did he? That happened to me once."
"That is actually my worst nightmare."

"Once, I was so drunk I didn't even realise I still had my underwear on." (J)

"Threesomes are so much better with two girls. I mean, one of the guys always freaks out and has an 'am i gay?' moment." (Druggie)

"You absolutely have to have sex on the roof of a car. It's so liberating." (C)

"I'm getting a mirror put into one of my walls. I like watching it go in from more than one angle." (P)

"Never trust a man with a small prick"

The worst kind of guy? The clingy possessive, calls you every night before he goes to bed type? The arrogant dickhead who has four girls going at once and 'forgets' to mention it? The too-smart-for-his-own good type who can't help but correct everything you say? The ultra-competitive, cheating at mini golf with the terrible hair? Answer: all of the above. Sometimes you just can't do anything right. Then again, sometimes the 'right' guy annoys everyone but you.

J can't stand the fact that A and V are back together, if 'together' is even the right word to describe them. Going out to dinner with M and L they accidentally sat on a table right near V and a few of his wanker mates (including X who even L had to admit is not looking so fine these days). They chose to ignore each other (or perhaps A, who is going blind these days, just didn't notice) until one of V's mates, while drunkenly reenacting some crap scene from an even crapper movie, managed to rip out a chunk of A's hair. Her hair is in pretty shit condition, thanks to dying it a different colour every few weeks. It's currently red. Anyway A turned around and started yelling abuse and suddenly froze when she realised it was basically V she was yelling at. She then stopped yelling and they moved to another table, where A proceeded to begin bitching about V and her general annoyance at him. Even L told her to shut the hell up and that we are all sick of her whining about the guy she was sleeping with. Thankfully A did shut up, only to start complaining about how one of her uni friends is trying to set her up with his best mate. Really, it is rather stupid. Commitment phobic A will never be the best choice for anyone. Still, enough.

In other news, E is back in the country. And other girls that won't shut up include M. Except in her case, it's probably fair enough. She's stressing out about seeing him again even though they are friends again. Maybe because they are friends again. C thinks he broke up with the girlfriend in New Zealand before he left but it hasn't been confirmed and everyone is too afraid to ask. E is having a welcome home drinks this weekend and M has no idea what to say or how to act...or what to wear. The others are planning to do the usual: wear a black dress and drink tequila until they can't stand up and make out with a cute boy in the corner. Well, the last one may just be J. A will most likely be getting in fights and L will most likely be scaring everyone with her dance 'moves'. M figures the best thing to do is to act like the good friend she always was and let everything else fall into place. Go with the flow. She's pretty sure she still has intense feelings for him though, the kind that distance and time can't quell and only become obvious upon their physical return.

"Prince Charming is a dick, bring on the frogs"

You know thing's are going bad when all the skin around your belly button piercing dies and the piercing falls off and you're left with no hole at all and just weird flaps of skin that things are going bad. Not a hypothetical, just another day in the life of J. But I suppose that's what you get when you're so busy taking care of your alcohol intake and not busy enough to take care of your general health.

Exams are done with and it's time to let loose. Everyone we know is apparently going to Europe for the next 6 months because that's the cool thing to do. Also, everyone we know is pretty much done with school and taking their year off before they enter the 'real' world so I guess they get to do the travel thing. We're stuck at home with our textbooks and internships applications. I guess that's what you get for being a failure...But nothing so much fun as going away parties right?

G is only off for a month, but she's having a blow-out bash before hand anyway. Everyone donned their floral dresses for a hippie themed party complete with magic mushrooms, giant lollipops and Bob Dylan records playing. It may be winter but that doesn't mean we can't wear flowers in our hair. Just that they have to be fake, because nothing real survives this weather. A got too drunk and made out with one of G's boyfriend's best mates that regularly hangs out at their house. Awkward because he wants to take her out for dinner and A wants nothing outside the bedroom. Or the bathroom, as luck may have it. L got too wasted on Pimms and got her kickass hat stolen and she was not pleased. She's been trying to track it down but was unsuccessful. M continued on her too-drunk-to-stand up phase and spent most of the night puking in the street as she stumbled home.

C is leaving for four months...but no one can remember his party. We all trundled off to the suburbs only to drink copious amounts of rum and pass out in the garden. C, true to form, woke up in only his underwear and has no idea where the rest of his clothes went. J woke up in his older brother's bed, but the brother was nowhere to be seen. L was making pancakes in the kitchen and laughing manicly. There was pancake batter all over the floor, which A managed to slip on and end up on her ass, much to the amusement to C's mother. Several of his other friends, who's also been involved in ridiculous drinking games, were half naked and sleeping in the curtains. C has killer parties. V even showed up, on the arm of one of C's friends. Everyone thought she was dating an AFL footballer, but apparently that went down the drain. She's model-good looking so of course A got cut. C thought this was hilarious, until A wasted booze by throwing a glass in V's eyes. Then he kicked V out of his house and licked the alcohol off the floor. A may have helped.

The toxic twins are headed overseas as well although everyone's invite to their going away must have got lost. To be fair A didn't really expect one, and after K screamed at her for no apparent reason, J figured her invitation was revoked. B certainly didn't bother to check up on it. L was surprised she didn't get an invitation, but then she should no better than to take more than a minute to reply to a K text.

A and V may be sleeping together again. J dropped by A and G's place and could have sworn she saw him sneaking out. But she was slightly distracted. A shirtless footballer was walking past. She's not impressed with this development because she hardly needs to deal with A whining on and on about how much she hates V only for her to wind up in bed with him for 4 nights in a row.

Druggie dropped by J's place to hang out and smoke but when J told her she'd given up the drugs and thought Druggie should too, Druggie wasn't particularly pleased. So she headed home to her increasingly possessive boyfriend.

And now? Tapas and wine. Lots of wine.

"But is it just me or am I all alone again?

It's a struggle being M these days. Her parents have decided to separate and her mother is moving in with a new guy who has already started acting like M's father and wants to take her on boating trips. As if all this stuff with E wasn't bad enough. She still hasn't decided what she wants to do with her life as she tosses up between work, travel and going back to school. She's also moved back home because her younger sister isn't dealing well with the separation.

E has been surprisingly good with everything and has been M's biggest comfort and sounding board (with the exception of A and J, and C has tried to help out with stories about his thrice married mother and womanzing father) even though he is still overseas. M's glad that at the very least they can still be good friends although sometimes their conversations do venture into the awkward. However their communication is better than it was even in their relationship which is always a plus. M wants to know more about his new girlfriend but is afraid to ask. A, J and C have all been trading emails with E but they keep them brief. They still aren't quite sure how to react to the splitting of everyone's favourite couple or if it will look like they are taking sides. E certainly hasn't told any of them about his new girlfriend anyway. Expert facebook stalker L reckons she's crazy and possessive and has an abusive ex, which would make her pretty much like every other girl E has dated. For whatever reasons, he goes for the crazy ones, With the (possible?) exception of M.

E is supposed to be coming home at the end of June and no one is quite sure how that will work out. Or what he's going to do about the girlfriend in New Zealand. M is simply glad to have him on her side right now though. His parents divorced only a couple of years ago and it seems he knows what she's going through more than anyone.

M hasn't really felt like going out much lately. After a night with J which ended with her in tears and projectile vomiting in a sink she thinks it's better to stay in with tea and new episodes of The Block until she gets her emotions in order.

"And some of us are having a really bad hair day"

V has an up-and-coming DJ set at one of the big music festivals in town. It's not a headline spot, but it's after dark and it's pretty damn good. Suddenly, he's become the kind of guy that's cool to know. Okay, so perhaps it is not 'suddenly'. Around the time he got his 3000th facebook friend it occurred to us he was probably the most 'famous' person we went to school with. Except for this chick that became a model and is now in all our magazines and on TV. She dropped out in about year 8 though, so that doesn't really count. And there was this girl whose father is now an AFL coach. But she's never done anything. So it's basically V.

This news does not make A happy. She and V have had an on/off relationship since forever, though it's been more off lately and she hasn't seen him since returning from Thailand 2 months ago. She called him over Easter to 'catch-up' because it's been awhile and chocolate just wasn't doing it for her and well, V might be a wanker but he's good in bed. But when V bailed on her because he had something (or more likely someone) better to do, A was not impressed. You shouldn't let fame go to your head and forget your old friends...right? After all it wasn't all that long ago that A introduced V to her grandma. And now it's going to seriously bother A every time her nana asks how V is going and tut-tuts when A says she doesn't know and her gran will make a comment about how V looks like he's unselfish in the sack. Which is the only place he's not selfish, but that isn't really the point. It's not a conversation to have with your grandma...right?

J was super excited to have an 'in' and possibly score some free festival tickets but that doesn't seem to be on the cards anymore. Perhaps J will have to friend up with V. Hey, it wouldn't be the first time. They did have a brief hour or so fling back in the day...

M spent an extremely awkward first date with the guy she accidentally kissed from work. Unfortunately he seemed really into her and has already asked her out again. M longs for the days when things were simple and she and E knew they liked each other. She was tempted to call him, but called J instead and they went out and got out of control on the wine and caught C making out with some random dude. He claimed it was for a dare but it really just adds fuel to the How is he not gay? fire.

L had lunch with H and the toxic twins (B and K) and felt that the only thing she was comfortable talking about (and didn't earn her a disapproving glare) was her religious Easter weekend. Once upon a time H would have laughed and tried to shove a Big Mac in her face. These days H nods as if she perfectly understands L's desire to go to church and paint eggs. This doesn't make L feel as good as she thought it would.

"Does the noise in my head bother you?"

Smile like you're freezing your toes off. The chill (otherwise known as winter) has arrived which has us all huddled in printed scarfs and long cardis, sipping hot chocolate while we cheer our team on at the footy.

Easter weekend is always a bit of fun, even if when you work in retail there is always people everywhere because what most people don't seem to realise is that Easter comes second only to Boxing Day when it comes to sales figures. But at least we earn public holiday rates and don't have to pay heating bills.

It's a well regarded fact (on this blog anyway) that single people are more fun than married people. A's belief was confirmed when her best work friend, who was previously single and always up for a drink and a good time, started dating her boss' housemate. She isn't the bad type of couple person. She hasn't disappeared like H, or gone crazy like K and she doesn't talk non-stop about her boyfriend like B, but she's just not the same. Those crazy alcoholic nights spent kissing random boys, dancing like a maniac and doing body shots? So over.

Luckily A took a boozy boat ride with L and a few of their uni friends. L spent the first hour getting hit on by a first year in a gorilla costume just because she let him borrow her iphone. At least she got a few free drinks, but he wouldn't even play Draw Free with her! She was on the lookout for the hot older Canadian in her course but couldn't find him and just settled for a super attractive old Aussie. Sadly he turned out to be completely boring and unable to talk about anything other then law and Justice Toohey. Not even one of the more interesting judges. Her night was still better than A's, who struck out with a hot guy whose wig she was stroking when his girlfriend showed up. A then spent 2 hours talking a suicidal girl out of jumping over the edge of the boat.

Footballer is back on our TV's playing footy. He's also back texting A and G that he just wants to pop by for a 'chat'. Yeah, right. A might go for it, but G won't let him within 100m of their place. Which puts him in his place.

M is enjoying the single life and has a crush on one of her new co-workers. You would think she would have learnt her lesson from the last co-worker she dated but obviously not. She hasn't spoken to E since they broke up. He's still overseas and A, J and C are wondering whether it's okay to call him or whether they should follow M's lead. M's obviously becoming a 'couple' person, jumping from relationship to relationship. After hanging out with her new crush a couple of days ago he went to kiss her on the cheek and she kissed him on the lips. It was awkward at the time, but later he asked her out.

J's in trouble as usual. She suspects one of her uni friends is hot for her which isn't good because she isn't hot for him. He's only a few years older but has a son and lives with him and his ex. She also bumped into the best sex she's ever had, a guy she had sex with in a park once. She's also slept with two of his friends but didn't think he knew that. She had sex with him in an alley, then realised he was getting a call from one of his friends that he'd had sex with. He revealed he knew, and that as soon as J had left the friend had called him to tell him. J didn't realise guys were so gossipy. But of course they are. Now the best sex she's ever had wants a threesome. J would be up for it, except the guy expects her to treat him like a rock star. He does sing in a band, but Steven Tyler he's not. She's no groupie.

And yeah, we had roast beef and roast pork on Good Friday. What of it?

"Blast off, he try to shoot you with precision, take your face off"

Yeah, St Paddy's Day is one of our favourite holidays. You didn't expect that?

Covered in green glitter and dancing the night away after a day spend drinking Irish beer is really the way every weekend should be. A, J and M hit the town with C, who's always willing to go out with the girls to a non-rock venue. He, of course, was hit on by several guys, while drunk texting and wearing the best hat of anyone we saw out. J was trying to escape from an old clingy hook-up who was apparently a terrible hook-up. A spotted footballer, her flirty (non-single) neighbour who she hasn't seen since he attempted to have sex with her months ago. She played hard to get, as is her standard, and he bought her drinks all night. Well, he earns better money than anyone else our age. A was trying to get inside information for her Supercoach team. M was supremely bored by all the football talk and danced on the bar with C. J had to leave the bar in order to escape the clingy hook-up and stumbled starved into a noodle shop where she received dumplings that she later threw up in a taxi. She also managed to give her number to the cute DJ, who has already suggested they catch up. A somehow got a large cut and bruise on her arm which C claims she got in a bar fight but M doesn't recall any such thing.

"Hotel, motel, holiday inn"

E has left for overseas and M didn't shed a tear when he boarded the plane. She loves him and wants to be with him, but she's no longer sure their relationship can survive them living in different countries for 6 months. E has been acting possessive and jealous like he can't trust M to be faithful while he's gone, even making harsh comments about how they got together when M was still dating a co-worker which is extremely unfair as M was very careful and almost kind about the way she made the transition into a new relationship. But E needs the opportunity for his career, and M doesn't want to follow him. They didn't even spend NYE together before he left and E wasn't happy.

Meanwhile J has been hanging out with Bossman and Druggie and has started getting a little concerned about Druggie's behaviour. Druggie has always been her party pal and J doesn't judge her for the drugs and the fact that sometimes she doesn't bother showing up at work. But Druggie has admitted her and her slightly-psycho are trying to have a baby and J can't understand how Druggie can bring a child into the world when she's still a child herself. You can't be a mother and keep up the hard partying lifestyle of Druggie. But whenever J tries to have a serious conversation with her, Druggie just pours another drink.

Dinner date has been texting A at least once a day and keeps asking her out but A refuses to see him more than once a week. She needs her own time. And her time with V. And her time with friends. In fact A has very little time she is willing to share wither dinner date, but she likes it when he cooks her breakfast. The poor guy is acting increasingly like he wants to be her boyfriend but A appears to blind to his wishes, of she just doesn't care. He wanted her to attend his NYE party (and V wanted her to hang out at a club he was DJing at) but she ended up hanging out with J and a few other friends and watching C's annual striptease.

L nearly got trapped on an awkward double date for her New Year's. L's new best friend (to replace H) is an old family friend who has recently started dating a new guy. The friend suggested the three of them all hang out in a hotel room for the evening and her boyfriend ended up inviting one of his friends so it would be the four of them. L seemed naive about what would happen but J and A told her in no uncertain terms that that isn't how L would want to spend her New Year's Eve or in fact any night of the year. L finally gathered up the courage to tell her best friend she felt uncomfortable and they ended up going to the city to see fireworks instead. She did get ditched at midnight though so her best friend could get a midnight kiss and by the time she made it to A and J she'd missed the striptease.

Ah well, there's always next year.

"Wait a minute...nice boys don't kiss like that." "Oh yes they fucking do."

A was surprised to find V presenting her with a Big Day Out ticket as a 'just because' present. They're not gifting types of people. Or even acting like any normal couple types of people. They hit a bed together and then they go their separate ways. And Big Day out tickets are not exactly cheap. Of course, A and J had their credit cards out the second they went on sale but still, it was very thoughtful.

Most likely it was an apology for the other night when A went out drinking at a bar with C and a few of his friends and spotted V in the corner groping some blonde bimbo in a non-existent skirt. He had earlier told A he was DJing at another club that night and they hadn't seen each other since his holiday up north. A said nothing at the time but spotted the same blonde bimbo smirking at her in a coffee shop near her work a day later. She couldn't wipe that smug i-fucked-your-boyfriend look off her face.

Either way A felt like she should show her gratitude (even though she will most likely be selling the ticket on ebay, or to L) and wound up inviting him as her date to her grandma's 80th birthday. She regretted it straight away since her family is intense, usually drunk and very aggressive and inquisitorial and well...she doesn't even like V that much. He just happens to be good in bed.The 80th birthday was a garden party full of most of A's family and a lot of red wine. V seemed to be taking the event very seriously and was on his best behaviour. Despite the intense stares and questioning as the first guy A has ever brought to a family event he held up well. He was charming and smart and funny and almost perfect. The only awkward moment came when A's grandma pulled her to the side and said "Who is that lovely nice boy you're with? Is it serious?" A had no idea what to say. She looked blank and ummed and ahhed until her grandma gave her a knowing smile and said, "Ah, he's one of those 'friends with benefits' yes? Like in the movies." A constantly underestimates her Betty White-esque grandma. "Well, you shouldn't let that one go," she added.

Of all the things in her life, A never though V would get the seal of approval from her gran.

Guess dinner date is going to have to work a bit harder to win her affections.

"Staying here will only breed obsession, and I'm already obsessed"

Homewrecker? Whom, moi?

C has just returned from a vaction bike ride, where he naturally spent most of his time all but injecting alcohol into his veins and passed out in the back of some dude's truck. He didn't actually get on a bike which is probably a good thing not just for him but any other drivers or pedestrains on the road.

Of course, despite the fact that many people think he's gay when they first meet him, C is quite good with women. Extremely good. He met two very attractive girls on the first night and spent the night downing shots and flirting. He and one of the girls innocently kissed but that was all. The following day she confessed she had a boyfriend and C quickly backed away, claiming he doesn't do complicated. Instead he had sex with the other girl in the bushes. She used to be an acrobat and was a fan of casual sex so it was pretty much the perfect night in C's opinion. The next day the pair hung out as friends, nothing awkward. Meanwhile the first cornered C and told him she hoped they could be friends and not have things complicated. C eagerly agreed but one thing lead to another and they ended up having (fairly ordinary, in C's opinion) sex. They continued to hook up for the rest of the trip but C much preferred chatting and hanging with the acrobat.

After they got back from the trip the girl (not the acrobat, she was cool and they're now friends) tested C to tell him she'd broken up with her boyfriend. C decided not to respond as he wasn't sure how. He then noticed her facebook status: bad day, broke up with my boyfriend and the guy i'm in love with isn't talking to me. C started to freak out. When exactly did she fall 'in love' with him? What happened to uncomplicated? Fortunately the problem was solved by hitting delete and block on facebook. You little homewrecker C.

But C could never beat J for a ridiculous situation. If he's a homewrecker, she's managed to become a lesbian homewrecker. After a massive Thursday night J had a black memory and was surprised to wake up in bed next to a woman she'd never met before. Apparently the women was a lesbian (who'd been in a long-term 6 year relationship) and the pair had made out the night before. J couldn't recall that at all, but she was fairly drunk. Still, J is usually on the prowl for potential men and doesn't swing both ways. The woman was also a few years older and not very attractive. J send the woman home and continued her merry way...until she spotted the woman out at a club that night when she was with Druggie and Ronald McDonald. The woman came and flirted with J and they ended up getting in the same cab. They were supposed to be going their separate ways, but when the taxi got to J's place she got out as well. The cab was gone by the time J realised and she let the woman stay the night on her bedroom floor. When she woke up the woman was gone and J had a new text: thanks for making me walk the 14km home. J had a slight what-the-fuck freakout but figured the weird experience was over.

However later that day J received a phone call from the woman's partner saying that she though the woman was going to leave her for J. J started to get very nervous and tried to explain that she was straight and nothing even happened. She's starting to become convinced they never even kissed. Since then, she's received a few calls and messages from the woman wanting to catch up. J has followed C's move and deleted and blocked.

What, is it the season for crazy stalkers or something?

"We dance like fucking animals"

Exam season? Spring Carnival!

There's something amusing about watching everyone else get all dressed up in fancy dresses and fascinators and heels only to spend the entire day getting roaring drunk and wasting money and ending up lying in the gutter somewhere. It's what we do every week.

A headed off to the races with work friends and then dragged them out afterwoods for more champagne and dancing. She was a terrible influence on them both, with one of her friends making out with two guys and almost having sex against the wall with one of them before going home with another. Unfortunately she left her watch and earrings behind. Her other friend was passing tonsilitis around with her tongue. A was scoring free drinks off every 'winner' she could find and groping every guy dancing with a girl just to piss them off. She'd already seen her old engaged mate Hottie at the races where they had an awkward conversation. He went to kiss her and she asked if he was still engaged and he said yes. She said 'pity' and started flirting with other hot guys in suits.

J was all dressed up to get high in the sun with Druggie. Unfortunately she brought her boyfriend along. He's nice enough in a rocknroll kind of way, he's just slightly psychotic and usually strung out. He and Druggie have full on physical fights on acid and scare the shit out of all of us. They have a weirdly intense relationship that makes A and V look healthy. The two of them sat baked in the sun until they were literally baked bright red and sunburnt and had to go home for aloe vera spray. J stayed with a few uni mates she'd bumped into, trying to score Zara discounts as well as more pot. She ended up getting wasted later that night with C and P. P woke up in bed with 3 guys and couldn't recall having sex but apparently he did. C woke up covered in pizza. J woke up in a bizzare house in a strange suburb in bed with a guy who wasn't the one she'd slept with. He'd vanished.

And yes, there was definitely walking home heels in hand.

"Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress up as a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it"

Happy Halloween folks!

We're supposed to be studying for exams but shoosh because we'd much rather cover ourselves in green paint and drink tequila then cosy up with anatomy diagrams and hot chocolate. Even though the weather is definitely hot chocolate worthy at the moment.

The scariest news of the week has to be that M and E have officially hooked up. Not totally out-of-the-blue but unexpected nonetheless. Co-worker apparently hasn't heard the news and M is anxious to keep it that way. It really is a pity they work together and have so many mutual friends. J doesn't seem to pleased with the whole relationship development, wondering how it's going to affect everyone's friendships. It's hard not to be happy for them though. M is E's first girlfriend who isn't a raving, jealous lunatic. Maybe he's finally maturing. Maybe there's going to be trouble in their futures.

Saturday night was their official couple debut. Hard not to be when they were dressed in full vampire get-up as Spike and Drusilla from Buffy. A had found herself a gorgeous vintage lace dress that she managed to destroy as part of her zombie costume. J donned the cougar uniform of leopard print leoptard and ears and tail. The tail got stolen by a random 'playful' hot guy of course. The joke was on him though, because the fur tail eas covered in something damp and sticky...

L was supposed to come along but bailed at the last minute to hang out with her ex secret admirer. Fair enough they're doing the friend thing, but ditching long-standing Halloween plans with a group to hang out with one guy...where there's smoke there's fire.

J foolishly hooked up with Wow again after getting stoned with Druggie on a balcony. She didn't have sex with him though and is now accusing him of cock-blocking her. Maybe messing with Wow is starting to mess with her...At least she'd getting a few free drinks out of the whole thing. Pity Wow keeps calling her on Monday mornings. Not that she's answering the calls of course. Druggie thought she saw Motley Crue hanging around but it may have been an optical illusion and it may be because she was too stoned.

A is pretty sure her whole night was an optical illusion. She remembers nothing until she woke up in bed covered in bright red fake blood. She had a momentary panic attack when she thought it was actual blood and was relieved to discover it was fake...until she realised that shit doesn't wash off. Photos have since surfaced of her laughing and acting manic with randoms as well as competing in costume contests and stealing hats.

M and E weren't around for too long and disappeared home on their own. Well, that was according to C who was smoking by the pool table. According to M they were both there until 4am and hanging out with A. Of course A's memory is a black hole and she can't confirm their story.

"Relationships have been on the decline ever since women came out of the cave, looked around and said, 'this isn't so bad.'"

I read somewhere the other day that this generation is redefining relationships between men and women. And not just in the obvious way, that is that people are now having more sex with more people in more places more often. No, it was more about the way this generation is redefining gender roles and therefore the relationships between the sexes, including friendships.


Back in our parents' day everyone knew where they stood. The men were outside with their beers and their BBQs, the women were inside gossiping about the neighbours and making salads and sweets and keeping an eye on the more eratic kids. These days you're just as likely to see the girls outside bowling cricket balls and sculling beer while the health-conscious boys are inside with their pink shirts and their sparkling wine. Girls dress like boys, boys dress like girls and everyone listens to the same music. Women are becoming politicians and lawyers, men are becomign teachers and nurses. Women call men asking them on dates, pay their own bills and make the first move when it comes to sex.

It's all very confusing really.

But because we've all become the same somewhere along the line men and women are much more likely to be friends. Sure past generations had cross-gender friendships. They hung out with their partner's friends and hung out in mixed groups to match up their single pals. There wasn't the one-on-one male/female friendships we see today.

Of course, some people still struggle to be 'just friends' with the opposite sex. While J has plenty of gay friends she doesn't have many straight male friends. This is probably because she's looking for a potential lay everytime she meets someone and all of her 'friendships' end up laden with sexual tension until it becomes awkward for everyone. Just look at S and Bossman.

A has been good friends with C for years and they are pretty much the dream friendship. Lots of booze, lots of stupid antics, lots of gossip and no sex whatsoever.

That used to be M and E. They were the kind of friends that could hang out and have fun in coffee shops, in music stores, in pubs, in pool halls, in the park, watching TV and everything in between. They could call each other for anything ranging from failing a test to love life issues and a housing crisis. Now everything has changed. Now things are awkward and they aren't answering each other's phone calls and their friendship is practically in the loo. One kiss really can change everything.

Let's hope they can get over it and more forward.

"Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be."

It seems the inevitable has happened. M has broken up with her short-lived boyfriend co-worker.

Now, as always when a relationship ends, all the truths start to come out.

A: "I didn't like him that much anyway. He always seemed a bit stuck-up."
J: "That's probably because everytime you two met you were wasted and trying to hug him and he thought you were a freak. Honestly though M, he was a bit boring."
A: "You mean he didn't fuck you in the park on a rug he conveniently had in his car?"
L: " Well, I never met him but he did seem uneccessarily clingy with all those text messages."
C: "Yes, and he stood you up at that awards night. After that, well...I had my doubts."
L: "To be honest, we all had our doubts."
C: "I thought you never met him?"
A and J: "The point is you should never sleep with someone you work with."

And that really, is the lesson that should have been learned before. It's never good to have sex with someone you work with. It seems like such a good idea at the time because they're always there and it's convenient and the stress and irritation of work just adds to the attraction. But once things go sour, as they always do, they're always there and there's no escape from them or all the other gossipy co-workers placing bets on who's going to break down first.

Luckily M had a smart idea and got transferred to another section of the company right before the dumping.

Now she can just move right on to E. Except M isn't so sure she wants to do that. She doesn't support jumping from one relationship to the next and has always had doubts about relationships that begin from one person cheating on someone else. After all, if the trust isn't good at the start, how does it get any better? Still, one wonders how she can manage to keep her friendship with E going if she breaks up with co-worker and still doesn't get with him.