"Never trust a man with a small prick"

The worst kind of guy? The clingy possessive, calls you every night before he goes to bed type? The arrogant dickhead who has four girls going at once and 'forgets' to mention it? The too-smart-for-his-own good type who can't help but correct everything you say? The ultra-competitive, cheating at mini golf with the terrible hair? Answer: all of the above. Sometimes you just can't do anything right. Then again, sometimes the 'right' guy annoys everyone but you.

J can't stand the fact that A and V are back together, if 'together' is even the right word to describe them. Going out to dinner with M and L they accidentally sat on a table right near V and a few of his wanker mates (including X who even L had to admit is not looking so fine these days). They chose to ignore each other (or perhaps A, who is going blind these days, just didn't notice) until one of V's mates, while drunkenly reenacting some crap scene from an even crapper movie, managed to rip out a chunk of A's hair. Her hair is in pretty shit condition, thanks to dying it a different colour every few weeks. It's currently red. Anyway A turned around and started yelling abuse and suddenly froze when she realised it was basically V she was yelling at. She then stopped yelling and they moved to another table, where A proceeded to begin bitching about V and her general annoyance at him. Even L told her to shut the hell up and that we are all sick of her whining about the guy she was sleeping with. Thankfully A did shut up, only to start complaining about how one of her uni friends is trying to set her up with his best mate. Really, it is rather stupid. Commitment phobic A will never be the best choice for anyone. Still, enough.

In other news, E is back in the country. And other girls that won't shut up include M. Except in her case, it's probably fair enough. She's stressing out about seeing him again even though they are friends again. Maybe because they are friends again. C thinks he broke up with the girlfriend in New Zealand before he left but it hasn't been confirmed and everyone is too afraid to ask. E is having a welcome home drinks this weekend and M has no idea what to say or how to act...or what to wear. The others are planning to do the usual: wear a black dress and drink tequila until they can't stand up and make out with a cute boy in the corner. Well, the last one may just be J. A will most likely be getting in fights and L will most likely be scaring everyone with her dance 'moves'. M figures the best thing to do is to act like the good friend she always was and let everything else fall into place. Go with the flow. She's pretty sure she still has intense feelings for him though, the kind that distance and time can't quell and only become obvious upon their physical return.

"Hanging out behind the club at the weekend, acting stupid getting drunk with my best friends" Blink 182- The Rock Show

Ah, Easter Break. The whole entire week off from university, if not work. Time to go shopping for the new handgabs we need to sneak booze into clubs, time to catch up with old friends over coffee and cheap pizzas. Time to return to committed exercise regimes and catch up on all our favourite TV shows (can you guess that Skins is one?). Yeah, time off is good. Not to mention that Easter weekend is always a 4-day bender for those of us without religious tendancies, that being all of us except L. It had to be bacon and eggs and pancakes on Monday morning.

Thursday

SO much alcohol: skittles vodka, chocolate vodka, tequila...in shots, in mixed drinks, in everything

It had been a long week. We were all struggling to get through it with the mid-semester slump and all. After pre-pre-drinks A, J, B, K, L and H rocked up to their local pub. It was packed so they collected a tray of drinks each, leaving a table with at least thirty glasses on it and lots of 'looks' from other patrons. Oh well. The place was full of peole we knew, including people we went to school with and Vand X . It had been awhile since we'd seen X. Apparently he'd been in Asia for a few months. It hadn't cured his fashion problems though, he still thought tracksuit pants were acceptable in public. L was quick to try and flirt with X, only to be dragged away by H who didn't want her to make a full of herself. A dared B to throw a punch at V but when she didn't, decided to go threaten him herself. No doubt he woke up with a bruise on his shoulder the next morning. J spend an hour chatting to a guy she didn't even speak to in school, insisting The Clash were the superior 'punk' band. K was hitting on the bartender (yet again, and doesn't she have a boyfriend?) trying to score free drinks. It was worth it for the free beer. L stole jewellery off some random chick she'd never met, lucky she didn't get caught. H started prank calling everyone in the pub and laughing when they answered but wasn't exactly happy when she was caught by the old high school weirdo who recognised her voice and actually wanted to chat. That was the cue to leave. Three clubs later we were danced out, drunk out and K had almost hooked up with a guy not her boyfriend. L hurried home to prepare for Good Friday while everyone else woke up on H's lawn with a slow-returning memory.

Friday

Started with jello-shots, ended with jagerbombs.

Sure it was Good Friday but we're always ready to indulge ourselves. After fish and chips for dinner (who sends we aren't good god-fearing citizens?) A, J, H, B, K and N had a few drinks at B and K's before hitting the clubs. It was all going well until T and R showed up to say happy easter and drop off some chocolates. All of a sudden B was fawning all over R. She didn't want to smoke because R doesn't approve, and didn't want to drink too much because R doesn't approve. She put her hair down (it had previously been in a really great updo) so he couldn't see her new earpiercing. She'd suddenly turned as nervous and quiet as a mouse. When everyone else decided it was time to hit the clubs B decided she was going to stay with R and T instead. Then she dropped the bombshell: she was leaving the next day to go to Adelaide with R and T for the rest of the weekend. As you may have noticed, A, J, K, B, H and L are a very close group of friends. Never more so than Easter weekend where we commit ourselves to going out every night with each other(except L who has a religious weekend). Why? It's what we do. Friendship is the most important thing in our lives. To have B ditch us was...to say we were pissed off was an understatment. Leaving in an angry flurry everyone else picked up the drinking pace and ended up in a night that no one would remember, or would want to. When you start getting strange calls from guys you don't recall you know it's been a big night. Friday was a big night.

Saturday

Without B, everyone was feeling a little down and not like they should spend the night together. A and G had a night sitting outside drinking wine and gossiping. K spent the night with end-of-the-train-line and his family, and ended up taking their relationship to the next level. J went out with P, spending a lot of time bitching about S who has trurned into even more of a wanker than he previously was. Apparently he has found the 'love of his life' a week ago and won't shut up about it and generally acting like even more of a private school pretentious twat then he already was. H went out with some work friends who turned out to be lightweights and was disappointed when she spent most of the night holding a friend's hair while they threw up in the garden. Who knows what B was up to? No doubt throwing herself at R who wouldn't notice and would care even less.

Sunday

J and K went out together to a club they love but everyone else has vowed never to go to again due to the high percentage of sleazy guys and the low percentage of alcohol in the drinks. J caught up with an old guy she used to sleep with (vampire, guess why) but then found someone new and cute to fill her with drinks and carry an actual conversation rather than just try to feel her up. He turned out to be nice and interesting and J didn't sleep with him which means she really likes him. Unfortunately K was left to her own devices. Trying to avoid cheating, she called end-of-the-train-line but he didn't want to talk to her. Not a good sign. She then tried B, but she wouldn't answer her phone. Not a good sign. H attended a house party with her flatmate and it turned out to be quite good. Who knew someone who seemes so seemingly antisocial could have such cool friends? She even found a guy she liked which is rare for H. A hung out with G and her friends which resulted in a few nude runs around the streets before A passed out in a pile of corn chips.

Monday

It was supposed to be recovery day but when A, J, K, and H met up to discuss the events of the weekend someone broke out a bottle of bacardi. Soon it was empty and they were moving on to cheaper and harsher and not neccessarily alcohol. They woke up with no memories, a guy who couldn't speak English and a pair of twin sisters who'd had so much plastic surgery they looked like dolls. Turns out they go to K's uni and also make porn movies on the side.

Now it's time to watch the first season of Skins. For the hundredth time.

"Please allow me to introduce myself" The Rolling Stones-Sympathy for the Devil

This really should have been the first post but here we are, a summary of the cast of characters that make up French Toast and Failure.

Introducing*:

A

Opinionated, blunt and honest A is a somtimes geeky law student and at other time rebelious and stupid. Works hard but play harder, A is constantly sick from nights of binge-drinking and obsessed with gigs and music. Currently undertaking a dating game whereby she can only eat dinner if a guy buys it for her, and is starving to death beacause of it.

J

A's best friend, J is an addictive personality addicted to everything from smoking to sex. Works two jobs and is a sometimes student but manages to party harder than everyone she knows. Regularly competes in drink-offs or fuck-offs (pretty much how it sounds) and is into spontaneous adventures like getting a tattoo out of the blue or flying halfway accross the country. Never spends a weekend at home. Ever.

K

Otherwise known as psycho-stalker-bitch. Pretty much the most intense person ever who has absolutely no control over her temper or anything else. REALLY desperate around guys and chases after them with endless phone calls and text messages. Has been kicked out or refused entry to pretty much every club in the city. Dreams of being a cop because she's always on a power-trip. Needlessly violent. DO NOT mess with K.

B

K's twin sister is constantly looking for balance in her life. Needs to please everyone which means she ends up pleasing no one especially not herself. At times she's J's party buddy sidekick eager to have countless one-night-stands and at others she's quiet as a mouse in the corner trying to not to get involved in confrontation. Has no idea what she wants in life.

H

The bitchiest person this side of Regina George, H is rarely nice to anyone who pisses her off. Is clear on her hatred of K, though gets along very well with R. Goes through jobs and drugs and houses like everyone else goes through toilet paper, H is always on the move. She doesn't like habit or being preditable. Has been known to shave her head just because someone suggested she wouldn't.

L

H's best friend, L is the golden girl and a goody-two shoes. Who drinks and smokes. L disappears for weeks at a time during exams and christian holidays. Has a loving family and a perfect academic transcript. Oddly, cannot find a job. Will probably be the first to be married with children now that B and R are over.

R

B's ex-boyfriend from overseas who just dumped her but is still living in her house. Needless to stay, K has tried to kill him. Deceivingly nice, R is actually very selfish and an always troublemaker. He tries to pull B away from her friends and toys with her heart. Not to mention ripping her (and K) off. It is suspected both K and B are still in love with him.

N

Not always around but always amusing, no one is really sure who N is or what she does. She's a lightweight when it comes to alcohol and can usually be found throwing up in a cab. Surprises everyone sometimes, like the time she was caught making out with a stranger on the train.

M

Dancer and good friend of J's, M can be endlessly judgemental. J often hides her indiscretions from M, who always finds out later. Always the first home on a night out, M knows everyone because she went to about 10 different high schools. Has an odd array of friends who are usually more fun than her.

G

Always has the best drinking stories (well, other than A, J and B) and is frequently the last one on the dancefloor. Whip-smart and with a long-term boyfriend, G is often caught dirty dancing or pashing other girls and guys in cloak rooms. Knows everyone that M doesn't and always brings a few extra to any party. In a bitchfight with J.

V

Sexy, hot and completely up-himself, V is a fixture in the clubbing scene. Has had an on/off love/hate relationship with A since forever and has also been with J for two nights. Gets into regular fistfights and can hook up with pretty much any girl he chooses. Is convinced L is in love with him, even though she's hated him since they were 5.

X

V's sidekick and partner-in-crime. Hated by A and loved by L, he's probably lucky to still be alive. Usually seen standing next to V and laughing at his antics. Has no real personality of his own which is probably why he's such good friends with V.

C

Everyone has a gay friend who isn't really gay. C is that friend. He's into musical theatre and wears expensive clothes. Somehow manages to get all the girls even though everyone thinks he's gay at first. Odd.

S

J's friend until she slept with his best mate and their friendship went downhill. Thinks everyone is a drunk and is probably right. K is infactuated with him even though they haven't actually met. If they ever do there will be trouble.

P

P is actually gay and is fuck buddies with pretty much every other gay guy in town, although currently in a relationship. Can drink everyone but A and J under the table. Usually the three of them are still going at 6am. Hates S although pretends they are mates.

T

B and K's older sister, T knows all the cool places to be when sober and knows nothing when drunk. Likes to steal things. Has a lot of older friends but J has already slept with all the hot ones. Is the only person other than B who thinks B and R can work it out.

E

K's ex-boyfriend. Feel very, very sorry for him. He is the main victim (other than B) of K's abuse. Is too afraid to see K which is ruining his friendship with H, B and M.

Y

J's would-be fuck buddy except be won't sleep with her from some unknown reason. Suspected he either can't get it up or is just plain inadequate in bed.

*Letters have been used to protect the identities of the not-so-innocent