A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Friday, August 27, 2010

"Take another sip from this hobo's wine"

When does it become official that you drink too much? Is it when you are alone in a public toilet, swigging brew? Is it when your friends start to get carted away in ambulances because they simply can't keep up? Is it when every tagged photo of you on facebook seemes to involve you clutching a bottle or passed out in gutters? Is it when you think it's a good idea to light a ball of toilet paper on fire and throw it around a nightclub? Is it when bartenders have drinks ready for you by the time you make it to the bar? Or is it, horror of horrors, all of the above?

Yes it's been a busy, well few weeks to say the least.

J has been trying to rekindle her friendship with S, with the aid of Bossman who has always gotten along very well with him. J isn't sure why S hasn't been hanging around with us since he returned from Asia but she didn't want to give up on the friendship. Pity S has become a total wanker. He always was a bit of a private school twit who looked down on J for sleeping around even though he's the male version of a slut. But these days? It's so much worse. He orders mulled wine in bogan pubs and spends half his time talking in French because it's 'such a beautiful language'. We may look dumb, but we really aren't. J has been speaking fluent French for years, but she doesn't do it to impress people unlike S. S claims he loves his life and his girlfriend and doesn't need to drink but a few mulled wines later he's talking about bedding every girl in the joint. We might not quote Kurt Vonnegut or James Joyce on a daily basis, but that doesn't mean we haven't read Ulysses. It's really annoying when people think you're stupid or inarticulate, just because you're young or female or went to a public school or drink or have sex. So J has essentially decided S isn't cool enough to be her friend anymore. Unless he drops the wanker act anyway. On the plus side she's cleared the air with Bossman and told him she has no interest in sleeping with him and she's happy to be just friends. So that's settled.

Instead J decided to attempt to pick up one of A and L's uni friends at the drinking-spectacular (two words: open bar) that was the Law Ball. She got him talking about law, music and football and all would have ended well except that A was going drink for drink with his best mate. Never mind that A had already downed half a bottle of vodka for pre-drinks (and he hadn't had any), the several bottles of wine they shared ended up with the best mate being rushed to hospital in an ambulance. A felt guilty, but not as guilty as her friend and a disappointed J ended up going home alone. H found her old pretend friend uni-guy and started yelling at him across the room, only for him to disappear moments later, clearly spooked. No one really wants someone as scary as H screaming 'why did you delete me off facebook?!' at the top of her lungs. A was washing her champagne soaked legs in the sink in the bathroom, only to be caught by the uni version of miss perfect. A met her way back in first year and they were friends until A realised she was boring, got 100% on everything, disapproved of everything from alcohol to premarital sex to soft drink that wasn't diet and never ever stuffed anything up. The night of the ball she had perfect hair, a knee-length dress and had perfect posture in heels. She was also giving A that stiff, upper class look. A's hair was a tangled mess, her dress was around her hips, she can't wear heels and not fall, and she was washing her legs in the sink. But you know what? A beat the little perfect princess by one mark on the criminal law final exam last year. A true victory for the uh, screw-ups. Again, we're not as dumb as we look. L brought secret admirer as her date, and apparently they are now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. H has decided this is the reason she hasn't seen L in 4 weeks and spent much of the night bagging the crap out of secret admirer. It ended up being A, of all people, who comforted him, explaining that H takes a long time to warm up to people. If she ever does. Maybe cold comfort then?

No one's seen much of B and K, lately. J saw them 2 weeks ago but after a disastrous clubbing experience has vowed to have a 'twin-free month'. It's been surprisingly easy what with them having moved back home. K apparently has a new boyfriend...yet again. This one is twice her height, a ranga, and never calls or texts her back. So a typical K choice then.

Tonight we've found a club doing a hobo-themed night. So essentially exactly our thing. Forget fancy arse balls, we're all about ripped stockings and cheap beer. Bring it on, the scummier the better.