A day in the life of...

The young have something no one else has or ever will have. Time.

It's true. We are smart, beautiful and...alcoholic.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

"But it is always the good swimmers who drown"

It's actually not that difficult to be part of the party scene in Melbourne and avoid AFL footballers. They all tend to freqent the same places with the same sorts of music and the same sorts of women and if you don't go there the only place you see them is in the street, at restaurants and on the footy field. Which is how it should be, for a variety of reasons. Firstly, we leave the WAGing to the women who don't actually like football, because you once things go sour (as they generally do) you can't cheer them on. Or if they don't play for your team you're usually predisposed to hating them. Then there's the fact that footy players tend to be selfish and chauvinistic both in the bedroom and out, and we can't have that. In our experience affairs with footballers tend to be memerable foir all the wrong reasons. Yes they have good bodies but it just isn't worth it.

Of course, sometimes you can't avoid them. Sometimes you live right next door.

A recently moved into an apartment with her friend G who decided she had to move out of home when her boyfriend moved back home, because she was not happy with the parents being part of their relationship. It's a great apartment with one small floor. Their neighbour is a certain young AFL player (who we won't name because that isn't what we do here at French Toast and Failure) and his girlfriend. Generalising again, but footballers treat their girlfriends worse than J treats her boyfriends.

It all started off well and good. Footballer was friendly and nice and invited A and G over for dinner. The girlfriend was mysteriously absent from dinner (apparently she was too 'shy' although when A and G have actually spoken to her she seems normal) but nothing else was particularly odd. Then footballer started texting them regularly on Saturday nights asking them to come to certain 'designated' AFL clubs. They both flat out refused because that's not their scene. They are both trashbag violent drunks, not blonde models who flash their underwear in tight skirts and giggle after 1 cocktail. One late night footballer called G and asked if they could share a taxi home because he'd forgotten the key to the building. G agreed and once they were back at the apartment footballer invited G in. Fairly drunk herself she agreed, if only to fry up a hamburger and make a mess in his kitchen. Footballer had other things on his mind, kissing her and informing her the girlfriend was away for the weekend. G was shocked, reminded him she had a boyfriend she was actually faithful to (except for that one horrible time with Dumbass) and left. They haven't seen a great deal of each other since then, though it hasn't been overly awkward when they have.

A week later footballer called A to complain that his fridge wasn't working and if she was alone could he come up and so she could help him out? How dumb does he think A is? She knows nothing about electrical equipment and doesn't see any need to give him refridgeration advice when no one else was around. She complained of being too busy and called G straight away.

Footballers. Great on the field, trouble off the field. All we know is that footballer is not getting any kind of roomate threeway with A and G. Maybe he should try his luck with J? Only she won't do threeways unless it's with two guys. Or Megan Gale. As it should be.