Today we got an invitation to a birthday party. Actually, we didn't all get one but that isn't really the point. The invitation required an RSVP and a 'plus 1'. The first response: what the hell is a plus one? Then we realised that it meant, in fact a boyfriend (or shock horror, a husband). Were we all supposed to be coupled up by this point? Are we supposed to have a date to everything we do? When did this happen? What happened to the days when it was relatively abnormal to be in a committed relationship and even more abnormal to take said partner along to every activity you were invloved in (save for boys' nights and girls' nights)? Wasn't it only a couple of years ago that virtually everyone was single? Did we somehow all miss something? Where were we when everyone became I couple? Why am I writing so many rhetorical questions?
The truth is we aren't the relationship kind. We're singletons and we like it that way. We aren't out pursuing relationships. We could be, but that's not the point we're at in our lives. We're all about big nights out and flirting with and making out with random guys. We're all about excessive alcohol consumption and waking up in a stranger's car. We don't want to feel like we're tied to someone or worse, responsible to someone. We're independent and free. We make our own money and buy our own drinks (well...sometimes, there's usually a man offering) and do our own thing. And we've never been made to feel like this is strange or frowned upon...until now.
After the whole 'plus one' debacle we were out having drinks when a guy, midway through hitting on J, actually asked her how she could possibly still be single. Any guy who actually asks that to a girl is a complete moron. How can they not know it's inapproriate to ask this? We hate this. It's such a bullshit question and the reason is never because guys don't like us. It's because we want to be single. It's starting to feel like everyone around us is pairing up and it's suddenly the 'in' thing to have a partner and start thinking of settling down. It's scary to think we've come to that age. Because we sure as hell aren't ready to settle down, even if others are.
J is a player. She has been pretty much forever, since she a boy-crazy teenager. There's no way she's settling for just one guy. Why have one when you can have them all? J can't commit. She's never been in a serious relationship (actually, never been in a relaionship at all) and never done monogamy. Her attention span is way too short. She gets bored of everything else and men are not immune. J is certainly not short on male attention, nor does she lack an exciting sex life. She hates the stereotype (don't we all) that single women are ugly, dumb, boring, don't have sex or are just missing something in life. J thinks she has it all. And she has had a lot.
H is quite similar to J. With her short attention span and ever-changing mind, it's hard to fathom her with just one guy. H gets bored of jobs, uni courses, suburbs...everything. She moves houses and changes jobs usually more than once a year. The only stable thing in her life is us, her best friends. And she likes it that way. H has flings. Sometimes she'll even get to a month with a guy but then she finds herself in bed with someone else and realises she's just not ready to settle. She has so much time to do that, why start now?
A is sort of committment-phobic. She freaks out if she hooks up with a guy a few times and hates excessive phone calls. She often refuses to give out her number, not because she doesn't want to be disappointed but because she geniunely doesn't want a call. Even when she is furiously on with V, nothing stops her from hooking up with other guys. The only person with any power over A is A herself. A refuses to answer to anyone. V has never been her boyfriend. A doesn't want a boyfriend and shudders at the thought of monogamy and committment.
L's claim is that she just hasn't found the right guy. This is probably true. She sure has tried on a lot though. L's a busy bee and doesn't have a lot of time for a guy. There have been many who have tried to coax her into a relationship but for L it just hasn't felt right. L is a perfectionist and doesn't like to waste time. The first guy she commits to is probably the one she'll marry. Not that L ever thinks about marriage. She's very ambitious. She wants to be a career woman, not a wife.
The reason B isn't in a relationship is that she's still hung up on R. Before R, B was very much like J. She lived for the thrill of the chase and got bored as soon as the guy was 'caught'. She's changed though. Now she just wants R. Though she won't admit it, she wants to marry R. She wants kids and a house in the 'burbs and the whole shebang. R doesn't appear to want her though, so she's stuck where she is for now.
As for K? Well, she has a new 'boyfriend' every week, but they never seem to last long. She'll stalk them and she'll claim to be in love with them and she'll tell everyone it's forever but then he'll freak out and leave. There are times you look at K and wonder if there's anyone more desperate for a permanent 'plus one' than she is. Then again, it's plausible she just loves the thrill of the beginning of the relationship and telling everyone about her new guy and showing him off and then wants to start all over again. She's always devestated after her frequent break-ups but not for long. Two days later she'll be with the new love of her life.