I recently read somewhere that guy friends are basically boyfriends that didn't work out, and that it's hard to have a guy friend when you're in a committed relationship. It got us thinking about our guy friends and where they came from.
C...C started off as A's gay best friend, which is sort of odd because he isn't actually gay. But he is one of those gay straight guys and sometimes it's hard to tell. A actually thought he was gay for ages and felt really bad when she found out the truth, but needless to say there were no romantic feelings on her behalf. C is a sweetheart (which might be the reason A was never attracted to him) but he had a girlfriend when he met A and hasn't been interested in her since they broke up. They are both very upfront people. A introduced C to everyone else about a year ago and he gets along with everyone very well but none of them too well. He hasn't slept with anyone, and while there has been mild flirting it doesn't seem likely anything will ever come of it. A true 'friend' and certainly not a rejected potential husband or whatever.
P...P is J's gay best friend and so clearly there isn't any attraction coming from him or going to him. P is always up for a good time and is insanely flirty, but it's never going to go anywhere with us. He has an actual boyfriend at the moment and they've been together for several months, which is diffferent as he's usually the play-the-field type. Either way, he won't be making his way into any of our beds and hasn't yet.
E...E is technically K's ex-boyfriend. Okay, there's no technically about it. He used to hang around with us all the time during the year they were together, along with his friend who happened to be seeing another friend of ours at the time. We no longer see her. There was another couple of their single mates. We all used to hang out in a big group and had a lot of fun together. The problem is, E never really loved K. He stayed with her because he knew she'd be upset if he broke up with her, and also because he didn't want to create trouble in our friendship circle. K was really into him and never saw that he wasn't really into her. It was obvious to everyone else. He didn't like to spend time alone, never bought her anything and would forget occasions like her birthday. Eventually they broke up and our group split up virtually into guys and girls. However E and H were really close and they still are. It's been nearly three years since they split up but K completely hates him. We try to spend time with E when K's not around and don't tell her about it. B, H, M and E used to go to the movies every month. I'm not sure if it counts that E is an ex turned friend. K is not friends with him. The rest of us have never slept with him or considered it.
Y...We all used to hang out with Y(and his mates) heaps. We met him through friends at a club and K pursued an unsuccessful relationship with his friend. B also hooked up with another of his friends but never took it any further. After we'd known him for a few months he and J made out and J wanted to take things further. For whatever reason, the two of them never crossed that line. There was always something: not enough alcohol, too much alcohol, an hour walk home, early classes, beach holidays...Eventually J came to the conclusion that he didn't want to sleep with her and we don't really see any of them anymore which is a shame because we all made a good group. So I suppose that's a friendship that came out of failed romance (K and B) but was also ruined by it...(J)
R...B's ex-boyfriend. It hasn't been conclusively decided whether he's actually anyone's friend(actually we kinda hate him), although we do see him more often than some of our actual friends, probably because he lives with B and K. Before the break-up we all got along quite well. H, especially who shared a taste in music with R. Post break-up we all kept our distance a bit because we didn't know what B would want. As the situation unfolds, R is acting more and more like an arsehole and B is tripping over herself to win him back. If he were a friend, R would definately be born out of a relationship that didn't work out. But the truth is, he isn't really anyone's friend. Maybe one day he will be, but the way things are? No way.
S...S works with J and P sometimes, although that's not in fact how we met him. S knows lots of dudes in bands and we know lots of dudes in bands (especially H, who happens to know some bona fide rock stars) and somehow we were introduced. We ended up playing the what the fuck drinking game (where everyone has a 'fuck' name, sings along and anyone who stuffs up has to drink) which meant friends for life. There has always been chemistry between J and S, and they've never really known what to do with it. They have kissed, although nothing more. J has slept with his best mate and S tried to convince A to sleep with him to get J back. We didn't see S for awhile when he was pissed off at J, then they had a nice stale 'friend zone' thing going and now it's at this awkwards will-they-or-won't-they-stage. We didn't technically become friends from a failure of anything but the chemistry between him and J is too hard to ignore. They won't end up together, but the attraction is there.
So looking at that, it's probably around 50/50. Sure some of our best guy pals come out of someone's failed relationship, but there are plenty of girl mates who do to. We met M through a guy she used to date that we knew, and now she hangs with us a lot. Certainly all our guy friends aren't our friends because there was attraction or chemistry at some point. Sometimes friends are just friends. And that's usually where you get the best friendships from because you're not settling for less, you're not hanging out because 'something more' didn't work out, the friendship is that something more. At the end of the day, if you're just settling because it didn't work out or if someone's trying to pursue something more...well, you aren't really friends are you?
*I honestly can't be bothered saying which movie/tv show/song I get all my titles from. If you want to know email me at firstname.lastname@example.org